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Original poster

Husband’s compliments to friend overstepping the line?

21 replies

Moss19 · 05/05/2023 12:33

So I don’t know if I’m just being overly sensitive, but last night I felt hurt by something my husband said to a friend of mine when we popped round to her house to collect something. I only see this friend a handful of times a year and my husband has met her a few times but they are not close. We were chatting about a film and my husband suddenly commented that my friend looked a bit like an actress in the film - an actress he had previously told me he found beautiful in the past. He then commented that she looked like another different actress too (again someone he has made comments about fancying in the past).

Now I don’t think he would ever cheat and I trust him completely, plus he is very loving and complimentary towards me, but in that moment I just felt like he’d forgotten I was in the room and only had eyes for my friend. We have a great relationship otherwise and he is generally a very friendly person, I just found myself a bit hurt by this but felt too embarrassed to tell him for fear of coming across as very jealous and insecure.

My friend is beautiful and I have no problem with my husband thinking that, but what he said left me feeling a little inadequate and I was thinking if a friend’s husband or partner had compared me to multiple beautiful famous people in front of them I might also find it a little uncomfortable. Plus I feel it’s important to add that my friend really is not a spitting image of either of these actresses (not taking away from her beauty at all) - but if she was and it was obviously so, I do not think I would have felt this way. Am I just being overly sensitive here and do I need to get over this or discuss with my husband? Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:

YouTarzan · 05/05/2023 12:49

You are not being overly sensitive.

Greycloudlooming · 05/05/2023 13:12

You’re not being overly sensitive. He was being overly insensitive.
What did your friend say?

billy1966 · 05/05/2023 13:26

Yanbu.

He was disrespectful of you and frankly creepy.

Probably your friend thought so too.

This behaviour would give me the ick because I would embarrassed to be with him and for my friend to think my husband was a bit of a creep.

I would be saying the above to him.

Catlord · 05/05/2023 13:34

You're not being overly sensitive. If she actually resembled the actress I can see why you might feel differently but as it stands he was just telling her she has film star good looks for no particular reason. He has no need to comment on other womens' appearances in front of you so I can see why that felt upsetting.

How was he towards your friend the rest of the night?

Also could it have been a tenuous link e.g. 'Susan, you look a bit like Jessica Chastain oh, and Rita Hayworth' when she doesn't really at all, but does have long red hair?

Original poster

Moss19 · 05/05/2023 13:37

Greycloudlooming · 05/05/2023 13:12

You’re not being overly sensitive. He was being overly insensitive.
What did your friend say?

My friend just continued the conversation and mentioned another celebrity she often gets compared to (neither of the names my husband mentioned and someone she actually does look a lot like 😆).

I think I’m questioning myself because he didn’t actually call her ‘gorgeous’ or ‘beautiful’, but it’s only because I know he has made passing complimentary comments about those actresses in the past that it hurt me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Moss19 · 05/05/2023 13:55

@Catlord yes you’ve summed it up well -the need to comment on her appearance was just uncomfortable.

He was fine the rest of the night - as I said he’s always been very chatty and friendly, so I guess maybe my friend might not have even found it odd/flirty when he made those comments.

I wouldn’t say it was a tenuous link though as one of the actresses has a completely different hair colour to my friend (which my friend did actually question when my husband made the remark).

OP posts:

33goingon64 · 05/05/2023 14:59

Hmm, I wouldn't be thrilled, but on the other hand, I wonder if me telling my friend's husband he looks like X celebrity would really bother DH that much. I'd let it go this time but if it happens again, let him know he should keep his thoughts to himself!

Livelifelaughter · 05/05/2023 16:05

I would let it go....my ex bf had a habit of telling me how good looking all my friends were and I found it quite annoying but he never flirted or paid them any unusual attention. I think if your husband makes a habit of it I would say something. It's annoying and not great but I would let it go this time.

SinglePonders · 05/05/2023 16:09

I’m nosy, please do tell who the actresses are!

YouJustDoYou · 05/05/2023 16:12

My dh has done that in the past. I know I'm not pretty in the slightest, but seriously, at least don't remind to my face.

pimplebum · 05/05/2023 16:13

I'm sure your friend felt a tad awkward
I know women who alway need to be fancied but the fact she kept talking/humble styled it out she does not sound like one of them

I've known a few v beautiful friends over the years and they are usually uncomfortable and bored of compliments

I would bring it up with OH but more focused on how dated and awkward compliments based on a woman's looks are , rather than your feelings

dudsville · 05/05/2023 16:16

His mind is wandering and he's forgotten to be considerate. Yanbu.

AgnesX · 05/05/2023 16:16

Unless he's got form for chasing other women or saying things deliberately to make you feel bad then you're being too sensitive.

SunflowerTed · 05/05/2023 18:39

I’d let it go. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it x

Pyaar · 06/05/2023 10:01

I don't think it's a big deal. As long as he wasn't being flirty in general, there's nothing wrong with these comments, even if she doesn't really look much like the actresses in question.

I think sometimes if i see a resemblance i feel the urge to mention it straight away even if it's not relevant. I remember meeting a friend's friend for literally 20 seconds once and i blurted out "you look like kate Winslet" 😄

I know it's different when it's your DH though, and I'd be feeling a little insecure in all honesty, but I don't think it's worth stressing about if it's just a one off.

Citadel8 · 06/05/2023 13:37

Wouldn’t be a big deal for me

Mumrunningsupporter · 06/05/2023 13:55

I know a woman who resembles Kate Beckinsale sometimes and Gywneth Paltrow at different times, in different lights I guess. It's peculiar how people can be floored by her, stutter over their words. Both men and women. It happens sometimes and it sounds like it happened to your husband. It doesn't mean anything other than we seem to be programmed to be affected by beauty.

Mercyovermerit · 06/05/2023 14:14

AgnesX · 05/05/2023 16:16

Unless he's got form for chasing other women or saying things deliberately to make you feel bad then you're being too sensitive.

I share this sentiment, too.

mrsgreggspastry · 06/05/2023 17:29

I would start mentioning one or two actors you fancy, and then compare one of his friends to them in front of him. I honestly mean this too - just do it back to him.

Irritateandunreasonable · 06/05/2023 17:35

Moss19 · 05/05/2023 13:37

My friend just continued the conversation and mentioned another celebrity she often gets compared to (neither of the names my husband mentioned and someone she actually does look a lot like 😆).

Show quote history

No, but he did imply it.

That would really hurt my feelings and I think you should express to him that wasn’t appropriate and ask him not to do it again.

It’s obviously very natural to find others attractive but how painful is it to have that put in your face like that.

It’s not unreasonable to ask your DH to uphold some discretion. I’m sorry to had to witness that.

Try not to hold onto this for to long, he was just very thoughtless but if he otherwise treats you well and accepts your words and apologises I would move on.

pognog · 14/12/2024 11:41

Hi! Its been over a year just checking in how have things developed? I don't think you're wrong feeling those things and I landed here because I was searching for advice myself. I had a similar situation but over time I saw a pattern of behavior and had to make some changes. This year I'm letting go though, if things need to go a certain way I'm not going to control situations and see what happens. Hope you're well.

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