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Original poster

How do I deal with this I’m at a loss

12 replies

Humpback21 · 05/05/2023 08:31

My partner takes medication that is known for causing low libido. It’s not antidepressants but something to help a medical condition. When we first met we had sex all the time we are now engaged and he is on this medication his libido has almost disappeared. I’m a very sexual person and would have sex twice a day if I could. He said he will speak to his doctor about the side effects but after a good google there isn’t much that can be done. We have sex like once a month and I have to initiate it. I’m so in love with him and will stay with him for ever even if it means no sex as I’m so I love with him but has anyone found ways to increase libido or help in these situations.

OP posts:
FartSock5000 · 05/05/2023 11:27

@Humpback21 think long and hard about this. The problem won't just go away. In fact, you'll end up with a sexless relationship as he won't do anything about it.

There are medications, treatments and toys he could be utilising to keep your sex life alive but he is choosing not to.

Do you really want to marry or hitch your wagon to a man that just can't be arsed to touch you sexually?

Have a frank conversation with him. If he has lost sexual interest and doesn't want to use meds, cock sheaths or rings etc to TRY to pleasure you then you have a tough decision to make.

TheSilentSister · 05/05/2023 19:54

You're being naive to thing you can overcome this, without direct input from him. It doesn't matter how much you think you love him, this won't last. It will die. Sorry to be blunt but I've been in relationships like this, you end up being friend. You give up part of yourself to keep them happy. If that's for you then go ahead.

EthicalNonMahogany · 05/05/2023 19:57

God, that first response. Imagine if the genders were reversed. Women are never told to use "medication, treatments and toys" to keep their sex lives alive.

Having said that, it's miserable to lose your libido. Sex doesn't just become 'meh' it becomes actively icky. And it's miserable to want someone who can't want you. So I feel sorry for you both, and you really need to do lots of talking and some therapy about how you expand your relationship to include this problem.

Original poster
Humpback21 · 06/05/2023 08:41

He has tried the magic blue pill but it dosnt actually make you want sex it just causes you to get hard. He will do stuff to me whenever I want with toys so I’m never left unsatisfied but it’s not the same as sex. I’ve lost my libido before so I know how it feels although I was able to come of the medication he can’t otherwise he would be seriously unwell. He’s going to speak to his doctor about it but I don’t no what they can do.

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/05/2023 08:46

There must be another medication he can try to help the situation.

Does he want to have sex with you, but the meds just dampen that desire or is he just not into sex?

That might be the first thing to look at, if it's the first one then speak to his doctor and see what they can do or its the second one, then think about a life without sex.

Also is the meds something he will need to take for a short time or long-term

And if the sexes were reversed I would say the same, too many women think a sexless marriage or relationship is normal and the husband will be ok,it's not and they won't.

Original poster
Humpback21 · 06/05/2023 08:59

It’s long term medication and he does want to have sex with me which is why we do have sex once a month he really tries. There are other brands of the medication but all with the same side effect. He really does try to fix the problem but he’s not actually sure what to do from now on. We have discussed and agreed to a sex schedule to see if that works

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/05/2023 09:03

In that case it's worth trying to keep the spark alive.

If there is anything he can do to reduce meds or come off that would help. For example I was on high blood pressure meds and lost weight and got healthier now I don't need them anymore.

Might not be an option for him though.

Original poster
Humpback21 · 06/05/2023 09:17

He did try to come off them and it went badly wrong. So he’s not doing that again in the short term I’ve also helped him buy some other bits that are natural and say they can help so has he so maybe he can one day come off them. He’s invited me to his next hospital appointment if I want to come and Liao to what his doctor advises

OP posts:
Needanewnamebeingwatched · 06/05/2023 14:59

Humpback21 · 06/05/2023 09:17

He did try to come off them and it went badly wrong. So he’s not doing that again in the short term I’ve also helped him buy some other bits that are natural and say they can help so has he so maybe he can one day come off them. He’s invited me to his next hospital appointment if I want to come and Liao to what his doctor advises

Can you say what he is taking them for?

Original poster
Humpback21 · 06/05/2023 15:13

I can’t it would be rather outing as it’s very unique problem

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 06/05/2023 15:18

Why can't you just wait to see the GP? If you can't give specific information, nobody is going to be able to give you specific advice, are they?

SimoneSimone · 06/05/2023 18:52

Sounds like he is trying. You will find a way

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