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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A friend's husband is being coercively controlled I think

12 replies

Moocaw · 05/05/2023 07:45

Husband is ill with depression and family have turned against them due to a careless but not criminal (in either sense of the word) mistake.

They aren't allowed in their own house sometimes and their money is controlled. They are not well enough to do anything about it.

The 'friend' is a school mum who most have always been wary of and not someone who can be approached.

Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 05/05/2023 07:49

I think there needs to be a little more info, as your post wasn't all that clear..
So your 'friends' husband has depression, but made a mistake? And now his family and wife are controlling him? He's not allowed into his own house? Is that right?

Original poster
Moocaw · 05/05/2023 07:50

Yes all correct, a financial mistake.

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 05/05/2023 07:54

Okay, so can you elaborate on not being allowed in the house/money etc?
What's going on there? What's your relationship like with the husband?

Original poster
Moocaw · 05/05/2023 08:02

They are literally told to go elsewhere and are too stressed to do anything else. I don't know the husband well enough to interfere directly.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 05/05/2023 08:04

Times of the nearest AA/GA/NA meetings and then keep the hell out of it.

He's likely trying to suck you in as his new saviour.

Humanswarm · 05/05/2023 08:05

Hmm, that's very difficult, especially as you are on the fringe of their relationship. Unfortunately, there's very little you can do. Does anyone else know? Who is closer to the family?

Original poster
Moocaw · 05/05/2023 08:06

It's not an addiction. I don't think it's a saviour 'thing'. He's not telling me directly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moocaw · 05/05/2023 08:07

Humanswarm · 05/05/2023 08:05

Hmm, that's very difficult, especially as you are on the fringe of their relationship. Unfortunately, there's very little you can do. Does anyone else know? Who is closer to the family?

As far as I can tell wife has previously alienated family.

OP posts:
Maze76 · 05/05/2023 08:25

You will never know what’s really gone on behind closed doors, and I would be inclined to signpost and then stay out if it.

YNK · 05/05/2023 09:37

Unfortunately as an adult with capacity, he needs enabling not rescuing.

Is there any way to gain his trust for a conversation about his suffering?

lovemelongtime · 05/05/2023 09:40

Really nothing you can do if you don't know him well enough to approach and offer support should he need it.

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