My partner

[Stevemad]

So, I need advice. I’m a 41 year old man, I’ve been with my partner 10 months, she’s 39. We are very much in love and get on brilliantly, we are hoping to move in together soon. She keeps dropping hints about having a baby, I have 2 teenagers and she has 1. The hints are becoming more frequent and she’s started commenting on how cute babies are when we see them. I’m all for it, I’d love to start a family with her, but she quickly follows it up with some kind of “only joking” line. I’m not convinced she is joking. How best to approach this, especially me being someone who isn’t great talking about their feelings and not great and at starting serious discussions, I feel uncomfortable initiating them. She’s also been telling me about her dream engagement ring and has started looking in shop windows when we are out and about. Also something I’d love to do is propose, but not sure she’s ready to be proposed too. And advice would be great please. Thank you all in advance

Don’t allow her hints to rush you into things before you’re ready for them. One step at a time and the first step would be to slowly adjust to you all living together as a family before you even begin to consider bringing another new family member in (a new baby). In fact, I actually think that you should communicate this. As much as you’d love to one day marry and have a child with her, this will happen in its own good time.

You should be putting your 3 existing children above all else at this stage. Once everyone’s settled into a blended family life, it’ll eventually feel right to bring in a new baby.

You're very patient with the engagement ring hints. I would maybe say something like ‘I know, you’ve told me before. I know what style you like’ and then redirect her to the men’s watch section and start talking about which one you’d like to own one day.

Good luck.

Your relationship is already in big trouble if you refuse to communicate. Just start a conversation about the future and work these issues out. Don't say you "can't", you absolutely can. You're an adult, have an adult relationship.

I would go with the fact that she's ready for it all, just dont let too much time pass, life is short! Good luck

Whoah there my man, take some time here.

Don't do anything until you have been together for another year.

Don't get married until you have been living as a blended family successfully for a year.

Don't have a baby until you are married.

May be way off the mark but I would say she's testing for your reaction.

Bit of a silly game but plenty do it. I absolutely agree with PP re living together and marriage first!

Her fertilility including yours could very well already be compromised considering your ages, so that's something to take into account while piping about another child in the mix.

me being someone who isn’t great talking about their feelings and not great and at starting serious discussions, I feel uncomfortable initiating them

Sort out your relationship before you consider having children. You can't raise psychologically healthy children if you're not comfortable talking about things that matter.