What is wrong with me?!

[lifeisyellow]

As the title says, really.
I'm a professional woman with a good job, early 30s, been told I am good looking (not that it matters) have a good set of friends.
Couple of long term (failed, although I dont really like to call them failed) relationships behind me and currently single.
Why on earth do I let men treat me like rubbish, and breadcrumb me? My male and female friends are always frustrated with me, because they say I'm a catch but I put up with sh*te from men. Why do I do it? Probably a rheotorical question really and I probably need to try therapy as it'll probably be something to do with childhood (isn't that usually the answer?)
When my ex cheated on me after 5 years I was the one begging him back. My very first boyfriend when I was a teenager cheated on me the same day I lost my virginity to him and I wanted him back. I've seen a man before where he breadcrumbed me and I fell for it for nearly a year. I believed him when he said one day we'll be together, but let's wait until X, which then became Y, which then became Z.
In my profession I have quite a 'serious' job and am able to advise people on 'serious' things. I don't think I'm a fool generally, I like to think I'm quite savvy. But why oh why do I let men treat me like crap and want them back?
Please someone else tell me I'm not the only one! Where do I find my pride and self respect?!

I am sorry that you are feeling so crap right now.

Relationships are not easy and we all bring a certain amount of baggage with us; but the fact that you have been unlucky in your relationships does not automatically mean there is anything wrong with you.

It is also worth remembering that all the people who seem to be in happy relationships may be struggling underneath - no relationship is perfect, but this is kept hidden in the main.

I’m not a therapist OP, but maybe you have some abandonment issues that you need healing?

Speaking from experience (therapy) ❤️

I think the chances are if you allow someone to treat you poorly then the issue is almost always a self esteem one.

What's wrong with you is that you think there's something wrong with you.

Your framing of your experiences almost certainly point towards self esteem issues (eg: your ex is the one who cheated, yet you're somehow the one who's "wrong").

How people treat us is not reflective of our worth, yet the two can become conflated in our minds, so when we've been treated badly time and time again, our sense of self-worth plummets.

The issue could be traced back to childhood, although the situation with your first boyfriend sounds traumatic in itself. You were vulnerable with someone and they betrayed that immediately. Of course that messed things up for you.

Therapy would probably help. I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with you, I just think you'd benefit from unpacking your past relationships and getting to the root of your self esteem issues. It sounds like you have some repressed hurt that's never properly been dealt with.

Do you need to aim for a better class of man? Where are you meeting these guys?

Sure you can aim higher hun and find someone who deserves you xX

There is nothing wrong with you. You're a nice person who's been taken advantage of.

Thank you everyone, you all have made me feel better, maybe it isn't me afterall!
I think there is some truth in childhood - probably should have added that my father walked out when I was 8 and we've not had a relationship since.
In my head I know these men are treating me terribly but I cannot fathom why I know that but still allow it? If my friends were being treated like this I'd give them a big shake and tell them to leave these men, but with myself it's almost like I need validation?
The men I've been with are also other professionals, not that it matters but it's not like they're typical men you meet on a night out for a bit of fun. I know I need to set the bar higher but sometimes I just feel grateful I guess. I don't mean this in a blow my own trumpet way (sorry if it comes across that way) but I do get some nice men who speak to me and have asked me out and I've politely turned them down, and they're men I wouldn't envisage treating me badly. But I seem to go for the ones that do? These men aren't 'badboy' types so to speak either.
Argh!

Your OP could literally describe me. I don’t know how to change it. I have allowed people, but particularly men, to treat me horribly because I’m scared of losing them. Even though realistically they are no loss to me and I end up more miserable with them than I would be alone.

My earliest childhood memories are of being let down by my dad - waiting for him to pick me up and he’d always be hours late or not show up at all. We were never close and he’s passed away now. Maybe it’s linked or maybe I’m just weak. Who knows.

Crikey @IfIHadAHeart we're the same person. I also have memories of when my dad first initially left he said he would take me out and I would dress up ready to meet him, excited as an 8 year old would be, and he wouldn't turn up.
I'm terrified of losing them and I know my life would be better without them. It's like I get a horrible anxiety in my chest if it's not 'right' between us. I can never let them stew either, I always make the first move to fix things. Shall we go to therapy together to save on costs? I jest, although if you don't laugh you'll cry!

I’m the same. We are very similar. Sometimes I set myself a boundary when it’s wrong, such as not apologising/making the first move, but I never stick to it. I hate an atmosphere and it’s like I need to be reassured that everything is ok and they still want me. I suppose it’s a bit pathetic and I probably do need some sort of therapy to work through it.

like you, I have a responsible job where I’m required to be tough and firm and I take absolutely no shit whatsoever at work. It’s just my personal life!

It’s sort of reassuring to know there’s not just me who’s like this though!

I'm another one. My father walked out never to return when I was 12 and I've had a series of similar relationships to you. I've ended up alone.

@lifeisyellow i used to be like that. I let guys walk over me. Last guy breadcrumbed me for years but I was totally in love. He made me very anxious which reflected a bit in my current relationship

Very assertive and take no rubbish in rest of my life. My friends often admired I was direct, but polite. guys was another thing. My parents had a 50 year happy marriage, so no excuse.

think I decided one day to set boundaries and stick to then. told my friend to make sure I did. She did and I got rid of those guys.

met DP and he was reliable, actions matched words and told me from the start how much he liked me. It confused me and made me anxious. I doubted his words and set my boundaries so high he couldn’t pass them.

he thankfully stayed about and proved to me there are good Mem out there. Boundaries lower as I hope he is staying