Wedding issues pls advice!!

[Nic134]

Hi

Sorry if already posted my page froze!!

We both 50. Been together 8 years.. And this is my second wedding and my partner's first..
We started planning a twilight wedding with all the trimmings and seven bridesmaids, etc etc got to the point of looking at £7000+ we didn't have !
I even got to the point of not understanding how dear it is to feed 80 guests!! That sounds really bad i do apologise but no we stopped ... We're not full of money definitely not in these times!! Was working towards getting a loan out for this....but thought No!

We both woke up one morning and said let's do this , it's about us... We decided to go to a registry office while we are away on holiday in UK without telling anyone.costing £100....it be relaxed just us two...

Now I have three children ( mine from previous marriage) partner don't have any of his own, they are 16, 20, 22. Only youngest lives at home .
We been through alot this year with my eldest and with there attitude and actions etc so not in great place with them at moment ...they moved to a house share now as need to sort themselves out...I still love them obviously there my child but my god what they have put me through in the last year has broke me with stress!!

We have a week's break end of the year in uk with my two youngest ones...so I thought we could get married then but then my eldest won't come.. their in that mind set definitely not interested , still in a mood over life events..( long story)

So was thinking doing it another time without the kids.. just two of us a hire witnesses...then when home go out for a nice meal to celebrate with the kids...

My mind going around in circles what to do...started off being about two of us .now overthinking....now thinking shall I not bother cos of my eldest going through a selfish state and shall I wait for them to snap out of it so they can come even if it takes till next year or two years.... Whole thing is stressing me out...trying to do what's best but at same time getting stressed

Advice pls....

Nic

You could do it in a special setting that means something to you. Even a beach or a park. Just invite a small handful of guests, go for a lovely meal afterwards. Film it or make it YouTube live so that others can participate in your day from afar if they want to x

Sounds like a really good plan with the room booked for your eldest. Congratulations and I hope you all have a wonderful day

I am.stressing as want my kids there..plus even though I'm 50 worried about what family will say...as being runaways at our age.
I am a over thinker also!

Speak to your eldest.
Explain you would really like them to come even for 24 hours and is there anything you can do to make it easier on them?

With the rest of the family take the bright and breezy approach "well it's no big deal, just getting the legals done and we couldn't afford a "do""

Hiya

Unfortunately my eldest don't want to know totally not interested..not even talking to.me at moment. ..weddings booked for five months away so there's always hope. I am starting to feel guilty not inviting my dad and step mum and sister but i know if that starts then it be uncle and aunties and cousins and then be my partners side of family as his is bigger then we be back to 80 people..!
Was looking at having a meal once home from holiday at local pub, relaxed atmosphere..with balloons etc even a cake so bit special for them..only mum's dad's, sisters ..be 20 of us..
I also know we agreed on relaxed but I would still like to look nice .my partner wanted jeans with shirt and waist coat...I was thinking nice dress ...got to remember be in Oct..so got knows the weather...found photographer that would charge £150 a hour to take nice photos of us ..or do we find someone on the street to use my phone??
Just don't want to regret anything....as my first wedding back 20 years ago was the big affair and even then I lost control of that thanks to family taking over ..just worrying

Hmm I think your big problem here is planning a 'surprise'/secret wedding so many months ahead. Is your eldest likely to tell other people in your family?

I think if you can stretch to it an hour with the photographer would be nice.

I think I will have to let my family know! I think your right...incase my eldest spills the beans..I have to think how to approach this conversation with my family ...I think my partners family will be fine they say your
old enough to do what you want , your life etc etc..where as mine are not so open minded..
Also when I approached my partner today about where to have this meal once home,trying to come up with ideas and generally talk about the wedding, he got hump and said he don't want that fuss and ain't paying for the meal, he wants simple wedding just us...so we've had a bicker tonight over that !

Yes I agree hour will be fine with photographer at least have some nice photos to cherish..she said £150 for hour