Do the children need to know?

[Missjkay]

So separated from my partner at the end of last year. 3 children. All old enough to understand. They have struggled to get their heads round the change. My partner has moved on quite quickly. Children don’t know. Would you tell them? I feel like protecting them/not lying for him. He doesn’t want them to know but what if someone else sees him etc with new person?

Nope. It's his business, if they bump into him, see him, then it's on him to tell them. Fact is it might not last and it's right not to confuse kids about partners unless there's a reasonable chance it'll last

Of course you don’t tell them. It’s a brand new relationship, ex doesn’t want to introduce new partner which is extremely wise … if they break up that’s another load of instability for the kids.

You’re not “lying for him”, you’re making an adult decision about what information your vulnerable children can handle. Every single day there are dozens of things I protect my kids from knowing. And it’s not lying, it’s parenting.

And unless the kids are very likely to encounter your ex smooching his new partner in public which would be a huge shock, I would wait til ex says the relationship is strong and he wants his new partner in the kids’ lives.

i would, however, make a point of the kids knowing you wouldn’t mind if dad found a new female friend because up if they do accidentally find out, they might try to protect YOU from “finding out” in case it makes you sad. Don’t put them in the middle, in other words,

No, absolutely not your place, or the time. Most people wouldn’t be happy if the other parent told their kids they were in a relationship before they knew it was serious.

I wouldn’t lie if they straight up ask you, but I can’t imagine why you would proactively tell them (unless you just want him to look bad?).

No!

They do not need to know. It is also not your place to tell them.

I didn’t want I would tell them just didn’t know if best for him to do it now or later. Thanks.