Annoyed with Husband

[annoyedwife2023]

Name change for this as it may be outing.

im probably being childish and unreasonable but I have ignored DH this morning as I went to bed with him annoyed.

his sister is pregnant with her first baby and DH has known about it for 3 months. All the siblings knew, including the other two brothers wives. PILs obviously knew. my SIL had announced this to them when she had come to visit. I hadn’t been there so I wasn’t informed. No one mentioned it to me either. DH kept it tight to his chest.

I actually found out from his cousins two weeks ago. We were at a family gathering and SIL told the cousins who mentioned it to me at the same party. When SIL realised they had told me, she came to tell me herself. I congratulated her etc. at this point I didn’t know DH knew. I assumed she had just made the announcement that day.

that evening excitedly I mentioned it to DH and asked if he knew, he said no and that was that.

the next day my BILs wife mentioned to me that DH had known for months, alongside her and the rest of the family.

I know it’s not a big deal but I’m annoyed about why DH lied to my face about not knowing when infact he had known for month. I was clearly excluded for whatever reason.

its not the first time I’ve been ‘left out’ of news or have heard it from others and I usually brush it off, as my in-laws aren’t huge fans of me as I wasn’t their choice for my DH. They wanted an arranged marriage for him. Despite this, we’re polite and cordial, we see each other regularly but there have been many times where I’m not included.
the family has a WhatsApp group chat with all the other SILs and BILs but I’m not in it. Again it’s not a big deal.

so naturally DH and I had an argument once I found out he had known about it for months and chose not to tell me for whatever reason. He then reported this back to my PILs who seemed to have taken it out of context.

DH is infertile so we don’t have any children and I feel they now think I’m bitter about my SIL being pregnant, when that’s not the case.

DH doesn’t understand my annoyance about this whole thing.

Ignoring him doesn't really put you in a good light. Sounds like it wasn't his secret to tell? If you have a wider issue that you think his family don't value you, you need to have that conversation with your husband.

It wasn't his news to break. He did the right thing. Be glad you have a husband who is loyal to his family.

Sounds to me like your DH has just forgotten to tell you. Why have you not asked to be added to the WhatsApp group?

I find it very odd that he's forgotten to tell you this, it's massive family news. Fair enough if SIL has asked not to tell you to tell you herself, but this doesn't appear to be the case.

I have asked. DH said he’s not the admin.

I don’t believe he forgot. I feel as if it was deliberately hidden from me for whatever reason. The other DILs were told on the same day. Even the cousins were told before me. I found out in someone’s kitchen. Maybe it is just me being sensitive.

DH is infertile so we don’t have any children and I feel they now think I’m bitter about my SIL being pregnant, when that’s not the case.

Is there a chance your DH is feeling a little sad or perhaps felt this news may have been upsetting to you, hence not relaying the update to you?

I understand why you're hurt and frustrated about this. You were clearly left out. The other DILs knew, but your DH decided not to tell you. And even when someone else told you, he lied about having known.

It sounds like he, and his family, regularly treat you as an outsider, as less 'family' than the other SILs.

Only you can decide if you want to put up with this all your life. I'm not sure I'd want it. You should be your DH's priority, his first family. Instead it looks like he has his birth family and you some second to it.

Which was kind of my point, feels like he's deliberately not told you