How to approach this?

[CleverLilViper]

For background: Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years, but we've known each other as friends for a good twenty years now. We're both in our mid-thirties.

I'm at the stage in my life where I'm ready to fully settle down and have kids. I want to build a future/life together with this man and I'm completely in love with him. We get on so well and I think, or thought, we were so compatible.

As I'm nearing 36, I'm aware that the clock is now ticking for me to have kids. He says he wants children and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but when I broach the topic of children with him and explain about my reasons for wanting to progress quicker than is ideal, he flies off the handle.

He's set his sights on going on a family holiday in 2 years time and is fixed on that. He's made it clear that he doesn't want any movement on the children front until after that holiday so that he definitely gets to go. I'll be 38 by then.

This is a holiday that he went on to the same place last year. He's been multiple times, but apparently because he missed out on a shorter version (due to work commitments last year) I should have been fully aware that he'd want to go on it now.

I know that he wants to go on it and in part, I absolutely understand. I myself would love a holiday to Mexico again, but I know that we have to get our priorities straight.

I'd be fine with him going if it wouldn't delay progress in our relationship. If we could still prioritise having children and settling down together. If we were lucky enough to have a child in that time, I'd be able to manage for two weeks without him. So long as I got my girl's trip after 😂

Instead, he just treats me as if I'm being totally unreasonable questioning his priorities and expecting that he should be in the same frame of mind-and maybe I am-but I can't reasonably do anything about biological reality, can I? I can't jump back in a time machine and make myself younger and give us more time.

I'd love it if we had more time to just enjoy each other and do fun things together. We just don't. I honestly don't know where to go from here. On the one hand, I think I'm completely unreasonable expecting us to be moving forward and progressing as a couple to building a family. On the other hand, I want to know that I'm not wasting my time with him and I feel like I am.

How do I approach this? I really don't want to break up with him-my family thinks that's the route it's going down-but I love him so much and I want my future to be with him. I just don't know what to do.

I'm basically agreeing with everyone else. He either doesn't want kids at all or sadly he's doing what I have known other men do. That is they wait until they think they have someone 'better' whatever their version of better is, younger, blonder, bigger boobs. Sorry to make them seem shallow but I have noticed that. I would not waste any more time on him. A holiday is more important to him, I would know where I stood.

Tbh, that's what I thought.

He doesn't sound like he'd make a great dad either.

And he might have missed the memo but...

A) children are part of the family

And

B) children can go on holiday.

Exactly.

The place he wants to go to is also very child-orientated and would be perfect for a family holiday with children. So I don't know why he's using it as an excuse to not have children. Unless it is true that he really doesn't want children or want children with me.

I'll be blunt OP I think you'll be wasting your time trying to talk to him again, he clearly can't/won't be honest with you and his actions are speaking louder than any words possibly could. He's future-faking you, promising what he knows you want whilst having no intention of actually doing any of it and that's beyond cruel, he is not a good man. I would be seriously reassessing this relationship in your shoes, you deserve someone who, at the very least, will be honest with you and not purposely waste your precious time

He doesn’t want children right now, and probably not with you at all.

Once your window of opportunity is gone, he’ll hold all the cards. You’ll have given up your chance to have children, whereas he can either stay with you or leave you and have them with another else.

Sounds shit? Well, then, take the power back by dumping him and making your own arrangements.

How can you say in the same post that he's a great guy and also that he flies off the handle, refuses to engage in any kind of debate about your future together and accuses you of a verbal attack?

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life tied to some like that?

And if you wait another two years until after this next holiday, by which time you are 38 - what if he says he wants to postpone having kids again, then what? Will you keep on waiting forever, until it's too late?

I've known quite a few of these men over the years. They end up in new relationships, married and with kids in crazy quick time. They just didn't want it with current partner.

Didn’t you post about this recently? All that seems to have changed is you’re a bit more agreeable about him going on this holiday now. I don’t think he’s the one if having kids is important to you.