Is This Normal

[Lookingforlove2022]

A new partner feels that to get to know each other you don't need to ask questions about each other, everything needs to be 50/50 and doesn't want to celebrate any occasions with you.
Doesn't like kissing in public, won't invite you around their home or even allow you to sit in their car.
Whilst I know we are all different but this seems very strange!

I suspect a hidden disability how would you approach this with him?

So... what do you do together? I'm guessing just have sex, secretly, in hotels or your house?

He's probably married OP. He doesn't want to answer questions - too many lies. He doesn't want to be seen in public - in case his wife finds out. He won't let you come to his house - because his wife (and children) live there. You can't sit in the car - because someone may see you and tell his wife.

He's married or has a partner already.

Probably married or in a relationship.

Whatever the reason why on earth would you put up with that

I suspect a wife or partner, not a disability. Bin him.

I’m guessing you don’t have a great relationship history? Because if you had any experience of relationships you wouldn’t need to ask

I too suspect he's not single hiding partner at home, kids stuff in car, and being scared to be seen with other people around at celebrations, seems more likely than a hidden disability.

How long have you been seeing him? Time to have a convo about why you can't do these things, and then insist on going to his home to see if it's still a no from him.

I suspect a hidden disability

I suspect a twat taking advantage of an inexperienced and naive person

Absolutely not normal. Why are you putting up with that. I also suspect he is married. Bin him off and don't waste any more time with this loser

Do you enjoy his behaviour? How does it make you feel?

how would you approach this with him?

I'd dump him, that's how. None of what you describe is normal, and I wouldn't tolerate any of it.

I don't suspect a hidden disability, I suspect a hidden wife.

Approach this? Why would I bother? Why would you?

to get to know each other you don't need to ask questions about each other

Stumped as to how the fuck else you manage it.

everything needs to be 50/50

Like what? Splitting bills, maybe fair enough. Otherwise, bit weird.

and doesn't want to celebrate any occasions with you

Probably because they're celebrating with someone else.

Doesn't like kissing in public

Might just not like PDAs, but also, see above.

won't invite you around their home or even allow you to sit in their car.

Ok, in total, that adds up to them being married. I'd just end it. Even if there are other explanations, all of that together is just annoying. I don't care if they do like Paul Rudd, with Bill Bailey's humour thrown in.

Yes to all the posters saying he's married/in a relationship/has children etc but I agree with this post most of all.

Whatever the reason this odd/secretive person is not for you. You surely deserve better than this. 🌹

Not normal. Don’t settle for this. I agree he is hiding something but it’s likely a partner.

its shitty behaviour.

I simply wouldn't be in a romantic relationship with someone like this.

And this is the 'honeymoon' stage... Imagine when he is NOT trying to impress you.

And yes - first thought was married.

Of course it's not normal. What do you mean by a hidden disability?
He's probably married.

Well put! Either that or he’s seriously weird. Either way, I’d drop him.

I wouldn't waste my time approaching it with him.

That's not what I'm looking for in a partner, and I'd just dump him and move on. It's a new relationship. Find someone better.

I don't think you need to address this or work it out. The question is will this make you happy / meet your needs? If the answer is no then it doesn't really matter why he does it, it just matters that you don't like it and you shouldn't put up with it. If it was sometihng small I'd suggest you try to resolve it with him but this is a whole massive thing so I don't think you can get him to change and you shouldn't put up with it.

He does sound married tbh.

Some of the things you describe line up with autism - not kissing in public, being defensive of personal space, wary of celebration. However on their own they could also signify something totally different (the secret ‘other partner’ adds up better than autism). If it is autism there are likely to be 1. Some obvious issues with sensory overload and 2. Some obvious intense interests. Without these two it is unlikely to be autism. Possible, but unlikely. I can’t think of any other hidden disability that lines up with what you describe.

Married.

I have one child with ASD, one with ADD (plus other family members with the same). Also worked in SEN at high school for years.

I don't recognise this behaviour as a hidden disability.