Hi, I have a very overbearing MIL who I am struggling to deal with at the moment.
As a bit of backstory when my son was born nearly 3 years ago everything was about her and she would keep turning up unannounced. I used to take the baby upstairs to go to sleep. She turned up once and while she was there my baby was crying and I went upstairs to settle him, my husband came up a while later and said his mum could come and settle him for me. I may be being sensitive but that just me feel rubbish, no I did not want his mum settling him.
On various occasions she has called herself mummy to my son, my husband brought this up with her as his sister who has no children had also done the same. It then created an argument and basically they all decided I was being too sensitive. My MIL still messes up and calls herself mummy to my son, I just find it so strange. She does more often than not correct herself nowadays.
Anyway she has to be involved in everything we do and because she has lost her husband about 4 years ago, she will guilt trip my husband and say she is going to be on her own so then he feels bad and invites her over. This time it was Easter sunday. As we left hers the day before as we have to go over for breakfast every single week unless she is busy! She said my husband had invited her over and was that ok? I said yes that was fine, she then said her friend might come too as she was staying with her. Her friend was standing there so I had to say that was fine too! I mentioned it to my husband when we left and said I thought she was on her own and he asked if I was accusing her of lying! I just said no, I was just saying what I have been told. She is very critical and constanting makes comments about what we should and shouldn't be doing.
If she is in our company and my son does something and myself or my husband tell him off she will start saying no no to my son aswell! like why does she feel the need to get involved! She used to keep asking to come round all the time but I kept saying I was going out or we were busy when she called so that has calmed down a bit now and we now see her once a week at breakfast.
I believe that she keeps asking my husband if she can have our son on his own because he mentioned her having him on her own the other day and he also said I am holding back our sons development by not letting him have a relationship with her. I think this is something that she has put in his head, she used to work in a nursery and analyses every single little thing my son does, it does my head in. It's not like my husband to say I'm holding our son back, he would never think that of me, but he is denying that his mum has said anything.
Also, we go swimming lessons every week and she came to watch before the lesson she goes to my son, nanny is coming to watch you swim, nanny isn't going in with you, she would love to though. Subtle stuff like that does my head in, swimming is something we feel parents should teach children and I really enjoy the lessons with my son. If she had it her way she would take over the swimming lessons.
She has invited me and my son out for breakfast with her a few times or to her house and then when I arrive she will then tell me she has invited one of her friends too. Which annoys me as she is not interested in having a relationship with me.
I've started potty training my son this week and I know when we go over on Saturday she will try and take over or tell me what to do! I'd love to just tell her to piss off but I'm a bit too polite which is probably why it is still like it is at the moment.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with a self centered lady MIL? I literally don't know what to do anymore! I would just like to feel that I'm not constantly being pressured to leave my son with her. She has looked after him in the past on her own when he was about 1 so it's not like she never has but she used to keep inviting all her friends over as she said it was nice to have the company when she watched him! I work and my son goes to nursery 2 days a week, so I would just like to be able to enjoy the days I do have with him. My husband works away a lot so we only really have Sundays together as a family and the Saturday morning that we have to spend at the inlaws.