How to compromise about extended family trip

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Please help! I can't see the wood for the trees here.

DF had a birthday recently and decided just before that he didn't want a gift from the family (me and dsis and husbands and DC). Instead, he asked for a family trip. Me and Dh discussed it and both felt it would be a bit tricky for a few reasons:

1. cost to us as a family of 4 going away would far outweigh what we would normally spend on a birthday gift for DF. The idea being for us to cover half DF share of accommodation as the birthday gift.
2. We went away for DF special birthday last year and it would take some of the shine off that.
3. Dh has limited unallocated holiday left for the year and is reluctant to use it for this.

Dsis has now found a very reasonably priced holiday home by the sea that would suit us all.
After my initial negative reaction, I have reflected and think I would like to go on the trip. Although it would cost more than a gift, we could easily afford it if we made it a cheap and cheerful break away. I have really been focusing on health and happiness a lot lately and feel like spending time with family is important to me at the moment.

This is part of a bigger picture where I'm questioning how much I get to do things that I actually want and like to do. I have spent years pleasing other people and putting my (immediate) family first (dc are young). I have been starting to feel slightly hemmed in and like I have to compromise all the time, never really getting to do what suits me best. I have offered to take the Dc on my own and leave Dh here but he is saying he had planned to take a day off that week and will now be alone.

Dh is upset with me now and we have been at a stalemate for days. I need to let Dsis know asap.

WWYD? Any advice?

I think it sounds like you should go OP! Can't DH move his day off? Or come with you?

Your dh goes with ypu for the weekend plus one day
Then returns to work
He is agrown up
He can cope on his own

Yes DH could move his day off but he doesn't want to. No real reason why other than he had already planned it for then.

Yes he could also come with me but seems to be refusing on principle! I think it's the money that is his main reason for not going. He is very careful with what we spend.

Is it reasonable of me to go ahead if I pay for it myself?

If you can afford it you absolutely should go. Your father will not be here forever. Making memories is so important

How much is the holiday?

Is your husband normally very careful with money?

Does he pay a fair contribution towards the children and your home?

Your DH is being obtuse. He doesn't want to move his day off: fine. You want to spend a weekend with your family: also fine!

And I am sorry but I believe your husband is using his mood as a way to control you

You mention you have been struggling lately - perhaps the reason why is closer to home than you think?

Ooops I forgot to say yes of course you should go away with your family

Your DH is being difficult and digging his heels in. Why won't he compromise?

I would seriously ask him.

@Rockingchai yes that is forefront in my mind really. I want to have quality time with DF while I still can.

Yes we contribute fairly equally both financially and with DC/household tasks etc. It's often hard for us to agree as I have a more spontaneous nature and he likes to make plans and stick to them.

I think I'm realising we have slightly different priorities for our money at the moment. DH wants to save every spare penny. I am keen to save too but not to the exclusion of spending on important things - family time, travel etc. we are hoping to move in the near future but it's been so long coming I am fed up of putting life on hold.

Thanks all you have given me confidence that I am not being too self centred. I will discuss it with him again.

Just go, take the kids. Tell him he has the option to move his day and come for three days up to him if he does or not

Holiday would be approx £500 for a weekend. To be split between dsis family and mine. Then food and activities on top.

If you want to go then go,don’t give in to him

£500 is a small price to pay for the fun, laughter and memories you will enjoy from this break

memories and experiences any day over material possessions and excessive savings tucked away usually by tight/greedy people and usually wreak misery on their spouse and kids by being so tight

Yes go family, health and happiness so important and life changes in an instant. Sounds as if DF must have really loved last year’s family holiday and it would mean a lot to him. Can DH compromise and go with you this time then choose next break?

I would go , and take the dc.
Apart from spending time with your df, it is lovely for your dc to spend time / have a mini-holiday with their cousins, their Aunt and Uncle, and their Grandfather.
I wish my dc had had more memories of fun times with my Dad before we lost him.

It sounds as if your dh is sticking his heels in just to be awkward.
He can either - keep the AL day and just have a really chilled, relaxing day doing nothing or take the day and get something useful done that he doesn't usually have time to do - some batch cooking, or some decorating or whatever, that will be easier if he is on his own or (as you say he doesn't have much AL), cancel the day and have it saved for another time.