How do you feel happy as a single mum?

[Twitchett22]

I split from my children’s dad 2 years ago, we were together for 11 years and he cheated on me the whole time. I eventually had the courage to leave and reconnected with an ex from a long time ago. He had always been ‘the one that got away’ and the love I feel for him is above any other man I’ve ever known.

Long story short he is an alcoholic, and our relationship was not good for my children so I had to leave. It has broken me. I know it’s the right thing for me and my children but I feel angry at him for letting us down, and scared that I had my whole life planned out with him and now I’m on my own. I have written a list of the reasons I shouldn’t be with him but I find myself bursting out crying randomly at the good memories.

Im terrified at the thought of starting again. Having to get to know someone from scratch, having sex with someone new, being let down again.

I guess this post is just looking for a bit of a hand hold or some positive stories of single mums finding their happy ever after. I just keep thinking who would want to take me on with 2 kids aswell.

Pp writes: "being a single mum is fantastic- you have lots of free time because your kids’ father will actually have to allocate time to look after them. There was a recent study that showed single mums have more free time and hobbies than married ones."
Your kids' father sounds great. Is he still available?

Snap!

I don't remember much spare time bringing up ds. You get tired then have house stuff to get on with.

Where on earth have people read single parents get lots of free time??

The best way to do it is to not think about a man at all.

Focus on nurturing the relationship you have with your children, self care, developing friendships and hobbies as they grow so you're in the best place to attract someone decent in a few years.

Read books, sit in the garden, cook, learn an instrument (ukuleles are cheap and easy to learn), do a free online course in something that interests you. Read and educate yourself on a topic. Treat it like school, make notes and connections. Decide what you want your life to look like in 1, 3, 5, 10 years time and work towards that. Do yoga at home. Take dance lessons. Do an OU diploma. Join a choir. Find a new job. There are so many things!

Finding a man was way down my list of priorities when I was a single parent of young children. I just worked on stuff so that I'd have a nice life when I was the single parent of older children. My children are 24 and 17 now. I had no family support and the only free time I had was when my children were with their dad. I've been in a relationship for 2 years now and I loved being a single parent

I agree that I had more time that was truly to myself then than when I was married.

@Twitchett22 you totally did the right thing. I split up with my addict ex almost 6 years ago. I love the peace in my home and that my children are in a great place mentally.

Hopefully you meet someone lovely but I think you should also make peace with being on your own. My bar was set as 'not an abusive addict' so pretty low but I just met nice blokes with their own issues. I havent really had a decent relationship since because when you set the bar higher, it's tougher to meet someone. But tbh my focus is for my children now.

Take men out of the equation of your future OP, they’re an accessory to your life, not your entire life - you’ll be a lot happier (and removes all the worries and concerns of your original post - phew, isn’t that better?)

When I finally accepted I don't need a man in my life to be happy, then I became more happy overall. I would stop focusing on finding someone else and learn to focus on yourself and kids.