Tired introvert - how to deal with relationships and co parenting

[Oopsiedaisyy]

Maybe I'm just tired, long weekend and wfh, but I've been busy and with other people for days, and I'm needing some introvert alone time. I used to get this, i have my kids 60% so on my days child free I could chill and recharge my batteries. But for a year I've been seeing someone who has his kids only every other weekend, so has 3 nights a week (when i have mine) alone to himself.

And when my kids go to their dads he comes and stays here. And i do love his company, but inevitably I cook, or we go out and I'm just feeling a bit knackered.

The next 5 nights we have plans for 4 of them. Tired already 🤦‍♀️

How do I manage this sensitively?

Watching with interest here as I'm in the same boat - my partner and i have the same child free time as each other (both divorced with kids) and he is with me ALL MY CHILDFREE TIME. And i feel guilty doing anything else in that time as he wants to see me even more. Love his company too but I totally get you.

Welcome to the thread lol

Does yours turn up all perky and refreshed while i just want to sit on the sofa and not talk?

Yup - it's called the motherload. Hi children have a mother that also does it all I'm sure. He's very good with his kids and has them quite a bit but I don't think any man suffers that pure exhaustion we do - physically and mentally. The mental list writing is enough. I honestly could do with half my child free time catching up or just fully relaxing. But then I bet i'd start to feel lonely without him. Can't win!!

Why do you need to manage it any more sensitively than saying, ‘I need some time alone’ and planning that time in?

Are you worrying about his reaction or having to soothe him through it? If so you’re picking up his emotional work and that’s probably tiring you out more than the lack of alone time.

It’s your choice to accept that ‘mother load’ or put boundaries in. You’re not his mother!

No, I do know, but it seems harsh to turn someone away who's time you do enjoy, i just need some more balance from somewhere

Seeing someone 4 nights out of 5 would wear a lot of people, perhaps it's too much to be healthy anyway. Don't make so many plans now you know. Just plan a night on a free weekend and a night in the week. Anything more than that when you work and have DC is a bit much really.

I’m in a somewhat similar position except that I go to his place on my child-free days and he does all the cooking and washing up since I do all the trekking back and forth. Perhaps he could cook for you sometimes so you have a bit of a break? I occasionally take time off to meet up with friends or just do my own stuff and he accepts that (even if he’s a bit disappointed). You just need to talk about it.

If you had or have a hobby you would locate time for that naturally

I would locate some time alone for yourself in your schedules

He might not like it, but there needs to be some compromise