Good morning everyone. I'm a 34 year old woman who has only really learned the last few years that my mums behaviour as I grew up and beyond growing up has affected me. I went to therapy last year when a complex break up and the realisation I felt massively sad hit me. I was a stay at home mum. I hit rock bottom after 7 years of raising small children. I wasn't even talking about my mum when the therapist asked me how old I felt around my mum. It stopped me in my tracks as I understood exactly what she was saying. I always feel like a child still. A screw up. She makes me feel a mess. Clueless. Dopey. She nit picks at my parenting. For a long time it was my body..my hair. Now she loves a chance to comment my top is creased or my gardens not tidy. Even though she hasn't worked my whole life. My dad's provided. Done all the gardening and decorating. She's done the cleaning and shopping. She's now 70 and her health has really limited her now. She doesn't hoover etc no more. She sits on her laptop all day on Facebook like a teenager.
I had abit of a rough 3 years. I separated from my children's dad. He has managed to control our living situation as he says he won't move out our home that's a mortgage. He won't sell..won't buy me out. He isn't nasty to me. He just won't entertain it and storms off. I have just started a new job 14 hours a week around the kids. It pays quite well but it's still only around £700 a month. I desperately want to be living independently by the end of the year. I just need to save and build up my hours.
The 3rd part of my issue Is I have a boyfriend that my kids have not yet met. We've had a very casual relationship that's been abit stop and start. There was some issues last year that resulted in us falling out. It wasn't handled well. My family hate him now. He has been diagnosed with adhd..which is why he was swinging about emotionally. We got back together in December and we've been doing so much better. He's learned alot about himself. He's really realised what he wants with us..he's changed alot of his ways. He speaks with respect always and if he's is struggling with his emotions he's learned to walk from the situation and calms down rather than shout hurtful things. I can see how much he's tried. He's had therapy too. So we are happy. But I've hid the relationship from my parents since it restarted. He surprised me at the weekend. He's booked us a weekend away the end of May. I'm so excited as I've not had a break away for 3 years. But my anxiety is already creeping in about being caught out. If my family don't contact me that weekend, they won't know. But there's always a risk of the what are you doing texts or some bank holiday bbq suggestion. . I hate lying. But I'm not a child and really want this. I feel so down because it almost feels the relationship isn't real. I can't honestly ever see him and my parents meeting. It's awful.
I'm just trying so hard to make my life work for me and the kids. But it feels I'm trapped in everyone else's opinions and control.