Lack of sex

[UhtredSonOfUhtred2]

Wasn't sure whether to post here or on sex forum.
Been with my partner for years, age gap of 11 years. I'm 40, he's older.
Before he moved in with me we had sex more often( by sex I mean PIV) and not just in bedroom.
But past few months it's been oral only which yes is fine but I miss the other.
Today there's been lots of flirting, sex talk etc gone to initiate sex on sofa but he said "no we're bedroom people" I'm going to bed.
It wasn't a..." and follow me" was to go to sleep. I felt rejected and a bit upset.

It feels so predictable and routine . He says he could go without sex which makes me feel crap. He says he fancies me, no problem with getting an election or keeping it. I'm thinking I've put on weight is it that ? Am I too loose?

Sex isn't everything but for me it's part of the intimacy and I don't know how to talk to him about my needs without him being upset because he gets very defensive.

Erection bloody predictive text!

if you don’t talk to him, you will never get to the bottom of it. Being able to talk about your needs is essential in a relationship.

Porn

initiate it in bed then

I'm wary of us arguing if we talk about stuff.
He works away a bit so could watch porn ...never said.
He will wake up in middle of night and maybe have erection/ start kissing me/ touching...I've been sexually assaulted by ex partner and woke up to it. So it's not great for me. Even though I know it's not what is happening with him.
I don't reject him if this happens...but it will lead to oral sex or me giving him bj.

I do try to initiate in bed, Just would like bit of spice.

Sorry not sure of reason to post, just to have a moan!

You're not communicating with him. Why does his penis get as far as your mouth when the way you feel doesn't? Do you think that's healthy?

Does seem strange, my preferences differ

Zombie