How do you move on?

[Rega26]

I separated from my husband in January after 15 years of marriage, we had been growing apart for a while. It was his choice to leave - I wanted to work on it, he didn't.
He was quite a controlling person, so the house has been alot calmer since he left but I can't shake the rejection and the absolute fear and pain of him moving on and potentially finding someone else.
We are both early 40's and since he left, he's acting like a teenager. He's got his batchelor pad, new clothes and I have now found out from my DD (19) that he is not only smoking weed (no judgement from me - each to their own) but asked her if she knew someone he could buy "white" from!
He was really sensible and antisocial for at least the past 4 years or so of us being together.
I've been having weird dreams about him all night and feel really mixed up.
I'm worried about him and also worried that he's blowing money on drugs when he has 4 kids to support!

Thank god he did move on, if that’s what he has turned into. Can you imagine living with him ? You are well rid.

You move on by...

Going out and having lots of new experiences.
Including sex.

It's a big change op.

I think you should try and concentrate on the positives. Remind yourself how controlling he was. What did you do today, or recently that he would have controlled?

He will if course meet someone new but he won't be new, he'll be the same old controlling person that he always was.

Time! It will take some but ultimately its only with time you'll fully move on.
In the mean time, try and disengage. It's not your problem (or business really) what he's doing as long as he's parenting is adequate and he pays maintenance if it's due.
Try and focus on you.
Go out. Go on dates. Do new things. Try and focus on the positives of not having him around.

Asking his daughter to put him in touch with a drug dealer? What a fucking loser.

@monsteramunch I know right?! The same man that went crazy when she started vaping!

Stand back and watch from a distance. It will be entertaining. Mid life crises always are.

Thanks all, I know you're all right. I suppose I just feel stuck. I'm have the kids 90% of the time, it's exhausting. 2 of the have extra needs and don't want to visit him. Of course I'd never force them too but I feel like I never get a break from being mum, while he's off having a midlife crisis and reliving his teenage years!

You have to stop caring what he’s up to and focus on you. Plan things you enjoy. You have freedom (around dc but you don’t need to be fussed about his opinion). Ours likely he’s telling dc stuff hoping it’ll get back to you when in reality he’ll be realising he’s less of a catch than he thought.

It’s early days for you.
Give yourself time to get used to your new life without him.
Don’t give him headspace because what he’s doing is his business. So long as he’s paying towards the children’s upkeep, let him go.
The dust needs to settle, try to keep busy (easy with 4 kids!?) and leave him to it. Not your business.

Meanwhile look after yourself and the kids and lift your head up from his shenanigans and focus on a brighter future without him. Go for it. You can do it.
Good luck OP.

Severe/textbook mid-life crisis.

Nothing so sad than a middleaged man trying to relive his youth.. or what he wanted his youth to be!!
Pathetic!
You are free of his bullshit.. and the whole world can see him making a fool of himself..
He will, in time, lose his kids... respect is a 2 way street..
Look after you... time will heal.

Thank you all. @Bonbon21 pretty sure my eldest has lost any respect she had after his request for hard drugs 😒

It takes time but you will move on, make your own dreams and plans without being in a relationship, it's liberating when you can control your life just how you want it.

If he moves on with someone else it doesn't matter, there's no rush or competition with him, you will find someone else when your good and ready.

You're right, I just can't bear the thought of him being with someone new 😔