Neighbour assaulted me, how do I handle this

[myneighbourhell]

TLDR: My neighbour is a nightmare and attacked me for asking her to move her massive amount of debris from the communal hall. Should I report this along with all her other activities that break her contract and try to get her evicted?

Hi all, I've been having a few problems with my neighbour since she moved in. There are three flats on our floor: mine, and she has the other two (one of hers is more of a workspace that she also lives in). Her stuff has been taking over the communal hall spaces, and she treats it like she has the whole floor to herself (we rent). This is a symptom of her general superiority complex. There are massive planks of wood and other debris that have been there for over a year, which build up and at times has made it difficult to get down the stairs. She also makes a mess all up and down the stairs - at one point I was treading glitter into my carpet for weeks. She even asked to make (unauthorised) modifications to my apartment because she didn't like the sound of the building's air ventilation system and wanted me to get her dodgy mate it to create a switch to turn it off at night so she could sleep better. I refused, not wanting to lose my deposit, and she got shirty.

She is impossible to even make polite requests to, as she has a very borderline type personality - I don't mean to be offensive, but it's a fact that she has a massive but fragile ego and takes any kind of request very personally, starts on the offensive, gets accusatory and aggressive, can't stand to be in the wrong and turns herself into the victim (she said I needed to ask her more nicely as I was too 'moralistic' - lol!)

I've been a bit of a pushover because I don't like confrontation, and the place I live in is very social and political. Everyone knows each other, so if I fall out with her I'm worried about the repercussions. Frankly though, I've now had enough. I came back from a work trip a few days ago and found her stuff creeping up towards my door. I politely but firmly asked her to move it and it ended up with the usual excuses and making herself into the victim, until I said I would move it for her, at which she said 'If you try that you will regret it'. This was done over Whatsapp, so at that point I knocked on her door, and she came out and launched into a physical attack. I didn't retaliate as I frankly won't lower myself to get into physical scraps with other women, but I yelled at her to get off and she now, funnily enough, seems quite intimidated as she wasn't expecting that and she ran off and locked herself in her flat! I said I was going to the police. I've emailed my local police officer and the landlord to ask them to tell her to move her things, as she has no contractual rights to keep her stuff in the communal spaces. My question is, should I try to get her evicted by reporting all of the things she has been doing which break her residential contract? These things are:

• subletting her apartment
• making renovations without asking permission, including this switch which tampers with the air ventilation system
• living in the studio which is not rented as a residential space but as a workspace.
• keeping mountains of her stuff in the public hall
• having late night parties which use the communal space and only informing neighbours at the last minute, also going on later than has been agreed for weeknights.

I fear that if I get her evicted others will turn on me, and whilst I'm kind of past the point of caring and want to move anyway, I have a very low income and the rent here is cheap, not sure I could afford to move anywhere else any time soon. The landlord is also an asshole who I have had problems with in the past, so I don't know if he will even do anything.

I can prove that she has made an illegal modification to her apartment with the electrical switch she has in there. You can also see that she is living in the space she is not supposed to live in, as she has installed a bed and cooker. She also claimed a rent reduction for the time when the water turned brown, but she wasn't even here, she was in another country whilst she was renting out her apartment to another guy, and I have proof from an email that she wasn't here during that time, if that changes anything.

I also have another email from another neighbour complaining about her having private, late night parties in the communal space without giving any notice, and going later than she should on a weeknight. He sounds angry and says that it's not the first time she's done this. I've been gathering some evidence.

I think if that is the case maybe looking at managing the situation is better for you. To manage people with personality disorders you give them what they want, for BPD that is significant validation (supply it is often called) and good positive connection. And you have to be willing to put up with the BS and not have confrontations.

You will not get what you want out of the situation unless by some miracle the person with the personality disorder gets the help they need (with BPD many do because they really do want good connections unlike the other PDs) but this again is beyond your control but if you have to live like this it is better to manage the situation as avoid all confrontation. You obviously will have to grovel to get things on track first but it is possible.

Sorry I have had to deal with innumerable PDs in my life and the only way is get out or play the game by their rules because normal rules simply do not apply to them.

I've also screenshotted the Whatsapp where she said 'if you try that, you will regret it' right before she attacked me.

"To manage people with personality disorders you give them what they want, for BPD that is significant validation (supply it is often called) and good positive connection. And you have to be willing to put up with the BS and not have confrontations." - this is what I've been doing so far, being very diplomatic about it (although still not good enough for her), but after pushing for her to move the stuff after so many excuses, she's point blank said she's not moving anything now. I know what you're saying is true, I'm familiar with PDs too, but that's why I was thinking that if I can I should try to get her evicted. Other tenants have been evicted for subletting, but I don't have anything documented to show about that.

It’s very likely will just tell her to stop and get it sorted op . No one is evicted on first formal complaints. And she can retaliate. You saying you will move it for her can be seen as threatening. She may complain about you. Say you’re hassling her, harassing her, threatening her. She’s not just going to say fair enough is she. She’s going to come back at you/.

I think I would be tempted to look for a new place myself. This situation is unlikely to get better without a shedload more stress. A cop out, I know but I would be looking to obtain peace for myself in the easiest way possible.

Fatandfunny - yes, she's likely to do that, but as it's not true she doesn't have any evidence. Anyway, we'll see how the council responds to my email. The only reason why they wouldn't tell her to move the stuff is out of spite for me, because I dared to complain about the water issue and didn't take no for an answer. It's not in any way in the council's interests to have all this stuff cluttering up the halls.

I know, but I live in a foreign country where I only have a zero hours contract job, low income, I live alone, will need to pay someone to help me move, the landlord might not give me my deposit back because he's a dick, the rent is likely to be twice as high somewhere else etc etc, it's not so easy.

It's not just that the staircase shouldn't be blocked - it's that communal stairwells should be a 'sterile environment', ie not full of stuff which could fuel potential fires.

Definitely get your local fire service over, and mention the issue (in writing) to your property manager. When I managed blocks I would give people a week to move their shit out of the communal hallways and then I'd get someone to remove it all, it's not an extension of your flat.

Of course you should report the assault! And the rest of it.

LBOCS2 Thanks, and to everyone else who has mentioned contacting the fire service, I hadn't thought about contacting them directly, although did mention the fire hazard in my email to the landlord.

Honestly what you are saying is very true but the reality often is getting the good outcome from getting other the agencies involved is a long and arduous task. As someone pointed out upthread the likelihood is many raps on the knuckles before any significant action is taken all of which up the ante in the acrimony.

@myneighbourhell the long game here sounds like the only option you have, keep the possibility of moving down the line while keeping minimum positive contact with the neighbour and documenting everything. I suspect now that you have stood up to her she won’t come at you again. Underneath it all she is likely to be incredibly insecure and your standing up to her will make her more fearful of you. Remember at all times it is her behaviour that is very problematic not yours and yes do keep speaking out to any neighbours who are experiencing similar. The more complaints the more likely getting her out becomes the better option for the landlord.

Can you pay for rubbish removers to take her things from the landing? I think her behaviour is so entitled and id be that petty. Id also claim no knowledge of it disappearing.

Don’t do this it would result in criminal charges. It’s shockingly bad advice.

Report the assault to police.

Inform the LL/factor that there was an assault, reported to police; and that the neighbour is blocking communal access to the stair well.

Reminnd LL this is a fire and public health safety breach which could negate the building insurance policy. The local fire dept would take a very dim view of the fire risk if they knew.

DO NOT make any claims about the neighbours mental health; you are not qualified to diagnose her so it only makes you look bad.

Does her stuff not go missing? Just anyone could pick that stuff up and chuck it in the bin or use it, or sell it.

We're on the top floor (no lift) and it's mainly junk. Still no response from the emails to local police officer or landlord. I've noticed the junk she moved before, she's just put it in a different public place, so really dumb but at the same time thinks I'm dumber and won't notice. I wish they'd get a move on and tell her to move it, whilst it's still there I'm permanently pissed off.

OK, Landlord has contacted me now asking where exactly all her stuff is and in agreement that she's not allowed to keep it in the public spaces. He says he will check where it is and then contact her to remove it.

Thats good news OP

Did not see this was an old thread 😀

WTF are you waiting for? Report everything to the police and the landlord. Get the bitch out now. Bloody nut job!