Is it really possible

[BlastedPimples]

to just jump into a successful relationship after 22 years with someone else? Without a second thought?

I'm reflecting on my long and unhappy marriage in a kind of stunned wonderment now I'm out of it. I'm very pleased to be physically free but I'm not really free from the psychological damage yet. I suggested divorce many times but was always reeled back in until he assaulted me last autumn to the point of my blacking out.

I mean, my marriage was hellish with his awful verbal, financial and occasionally violent abuse with at least four incidents of adultery. He was prone to hysteria and was always unpleasant to airport staff, takeaway delivery people, chuggers. And then sometimes would be utterly charming and friendly. It was very disconcerting.

His latest gf started during the last few months of our marriage and he is with her now. I do not think he will be able to maintain the honeymoon and suspect she too will soon be subject to some misery before long.

After all the ardent declarations of love and devotion over the years from him, it was all utterly and totally meaningless. It makes me never ever want to get involved with any man ever again.

I think I'm just amazed at this man that I married and endured for so long and yet here he is, able to swan off and leave me and the kids high and dry financially.

Karma will get the dick. The best revenge is living well. Focus all your energy on positivity and moving forward with you and your DC.

In your situation I wouldn't expect to jump into a relationship any time soon and you sound like you have your head screwed on.

I just don't believe in karma.

I believe that people like him who are ruthless and high earners always get what they want. He's incredibly sly and is very keen to avoid total financial disclosure in our divorce.

I'm pissed off that I was dumb enough to be reeled back in four times and if all came to head when my youngest son thought his dad had killed his mother. Such trauma and misery which he dismisses of course.

is very keen to avoid total financial disclosure in our divorce.

Forensic Accountant.

Forensic accountant costs ££££s.

Ex has pissed away ££s. So can't really afford it.

I think I'm just amazed at this man that I married and endured for so long and yet here he is, able to swan off and leave me and the kids high and dry financially.

I'm honestly not intending to be rude but why are you amazed, given he abused you throughout your marriage.

You say his ardent declarations of love have ended up being meaningless but the fact that he abused you, including cheating on you, throughout your marriage meant they were meaningless even before he left.

He is clearly disordered inmsome way.

Yes, his behaviour will probably be one similar to his latest partner. But, like yourself and many women, she may out up with it for quite a while. And if she doesn't he'll repave her with another one for as long as she takes it.

Your only job now is to recover and get the very best deal you can in the divorce.

There are solicitors specialising in divorces for spouses "high net worth" individuals in my region, I imagine there are in yours too.

I guess that's what happens when you're in an abusive relationship. Your boundaries get pushed down and your expectations are twisted.

I have a solicitor who is attending to the finances in the marriage.

Don't beat yourself up. You were a good mum and a good wife and you stuck it out for as long as you could. He had choices and he chose to be pretty goddam awful in many ways. Do you have any family that can support you through this? Focus on you, your own happiness in life and your well being, at some point you will be ready for another relationship.

I don't believe in carma so to speak. But I do believe you get back what you give out in the world 100%. It may not be today or even next week, but if you treat people badly, your live with the consequences of it.
My own situation has confirmed it to me. My ex husband treated me and our children dreadfully, he also treated his family and well everyone dreadfully.
Fast forward 5 years. There is a no contact order in place for the children. So he's unable to see them. He's lost his business, he's homeless, his family won't have anything to do with him. So for someone who appeared to have it all at one point. He was relatively successful, well thought of, father, husband, home owner etc etc. But when you treat people so poorly with out any insight eventually things start to turn.
Unless he's able to look with in himself. He will die a very sad and lonely man! As will your ex partner, you get back what you put out in the universe.

I don't wish anyone ill at all. And there are plenty of suckers out there like me to keep abusive horrors company until they die.

Meanwhile, I'm still reeling really from all the drama, the trauma, his hysterics, his deceit, his violence. I'm not sure how to get better from this.

It will take time. Have you got a therapist? You will improve. Not sure it ever goes away but things will get better.

You absolutely have to take time to heal. Too many people jump straight into new relationships without taking time to find out who they are now and learn to love themselves. A relationship isn't the be all and end all. Be happy on your own first.

I really am not looking to be with someone else at all. If ever.

It would v likely be worth it.

To move on, you may need to talk to a therapist who is going to guide you to deal with all your emotions.
How to move on so you can be yourself and free yourself from what he has done to you
You have done the hardest part of leaving and saying No to that, so enable yourself to move on to a happier place by venting it out.
You will over come some of it with time but never forget it.
The financial side I have no idea but it is the only control he has now. What steps do those in the UK take to sort it I have no idea.