He won’t leave me

[Noodea09268]

10 year relationship.
2 kids. Age 6 & 10.

I haven’t been happy for years.
we got together on a whim whilst on a come down from heartbreak from a previous relationship.

Its like he chased me down until I gave in.
I took the plunge because he treated better than previous relationships.

Got pregnant 2nd year and moved to where his son lived for ease (30 mins from hometown).

In pregnancy I decided to leave (pre natal depression) and got a home back in hometown with apparently trusting friends that would help me do this alone.
They didn’t.
I felt alone.
I returned to him.

Fast forward had second child.
Set up a business.

To now - we run 3 businesses together all pay enough for us to cover the bills.

I have never felt attracted to him.
I think this is my main issue.

I am the bread winner.
I do everything.
He has money issues and cannot be trusted to sort things out so I do it all.
Home, kids, businesses.

I don’t deny he puts in the hours for the businesses but we wouldn’t have them if it weren’t for me.

I suggest that he leave but he won’t.
he don’t want to ever discuss anything.
He denies we aren’t working and more like friends.

He says we can’t afford it but we can if we work hard on it.
but it will be me finding his new home, sorting his bills etc.

I am TIRED.
I basically have 3 kids.

I just want to be alone.
Ive found myself fancying other men.
Nothing has happened but I know if I loved him I wouldn’t do this.

I don’t want to have s3x I have zero passion.
Just not interested.
but he’d rather have me like that than be alone.
I feel trapped.

I don’t know how I can feel contentment again as he just won’t go.

Did I want this for my kids?
No.

but I’m so unhappy.

I would happily run the businesses as friends but I know he will make it as hard as ever.

im fed up
any advice please

You don't need his permission to divorce.

Why not visit a family solicitor to discuss your situation?

It sounds miserable for you both and he's clearly scared about what it would mean perhaps financially and in terms of your children.

Why don’t you leave ? You want out then go, you can’t force him to leave his home.

I think you need some legal advice OP.

Where is your agency? You say he chased you down, your friends didn't help you, he won't leave.. why are you waiting for other people to fix your life for you. YOU started this relationship knowing you were rebounding, YOU went back to him now YOU need to leave if that's what you want. Stand up and take control.

@RelaxingClassics you sound very energetic.

why does he have to leave you?
You are very passive; try taking control of things, you'll feel much better

Totally agree. You’re the one who wants to separate - so do it. If he won’t move out your options are to divorce while living together or to find somewhere else to live. It won’t be easy but it’s surely better than drifting on like this forever.

Agree with @RelaxingClassics you talk about these events like you had no say in it all and life just threw these things at you. Take control of you life and stop just being a passenger

This, only you can take control. Tomorrow, phone a solicitor and get the ball rolling.

🤣