Advice needed - am I over reacting or abusive relationship?

[AshEL]

Hi everyone, just looking for some advice as feeling low.

myslef & my partner are not getting on. I feel like I’m parenting alone in a relationship. He works 5 days a week 45 hours and I work 2 days a week 25 hours. On my days off I’m up at 6 am, school run, cleaning, washing, tidying, school collection, cooking dinner, baths & bed time, I also mind a cousin of mine once a week. I’m constantly picking up after him - his cigarette butts outside, his clothes on the floor, his plates in the sink etc. on his days off he does bare minimum I mean NEVER would spontaneously hover a floor or wash his own clothes. He does bare minimum with our daughter as well, he minds her when he’s off if I’m working but it consists of her infront of the TV mostly.
he has every single lie in on every day off. Last time I slept past 6 am was Christmas. I’m just exhausted. Im 28 and feel burnt out completly and like I’m just not the best version of myself anymore for my DD.
he speaks so badly to me I’m an f this & f* that, always raising his voice at me over every little thing. I can’t ever talk to him about these problems because it’s either “I’m just home from work” or “I’m in a day off don’t ruin it” he laughs at me when I get upset , tells me I’m crazy & I need help. Tells me my “voice is annoying” when I start speaking about problems as I become a little upset it’s all bubbling up inside me. Always telling me to shut up infront of DD or just being mean, for example I got on to him for not using car seat correctly & his answer was “I don’t care” and smirked at me while I was upset he had been driving around with my DD not strapped in. Constantly told its HIS house HIS tv HIS food because he pays 80% of bills. I just feel so unhappy I need to know is this normal & am I possibly over reacting?
I do tend to spiral sometimes I think I have depression- Iv been SA before as a teenager, Iv been in an abusing relationship, had an abortion & watched my dad die in my bedroom just 4 months before my DD was born & I honestly think I’m a bit messed up. Always on the verge of tears.

anyway feeling very low & would love some advice. Am I overreacting or right to be upset? I’m no angel either I suppose “always giving out” as he says

I don't know where to start with this! Why on earth are you still with this lazy, foul mouthed, miserable excuse for a man? He sounds absolutely vile and you are certainly not over reacting. You need to leave with your daughter asap, or even better get him out of the house. You could start with speaking to Women's Aid for advice and support. He is definitely abusive, he treats you with utter contempt and it is horrible that your daugher is having to witness it.

He's horrible and you are not in any way overreacting. You deserve better.

Your not messed up. Some awful things have happened to you and you have experienced trauma. I'm sure you will find once you leave him you will feel so much better

he is absolutely horrible, and he is wrecking your life- you are not over reacting, no one should be spoken to like this in their own home. It your home it should be your safe place, not a place you are called names, sneered at, taunted and made to skivvy. I am all for the person with the fewest hours doing the most housework, but that does not mean picking up cigarette butts - and he certainly should be parenting your child when he has her, not using the TV as a babysitter.

what are your options? are you going to stay?

I’m sorry you’re being treated like this. He certainly is abusive to you; if he loved you he shouldn’t talk to you like that or make you so upset. Can you call womens aid tomorrow? They will give you advice on how to start finding your way forward x

You are definitely not overreacting he is horrible and you need to keep him away from your daughter otherwise she will come to think this is what women should expect in a relationship.

You will be much happier in a peaceful loving home just the two of you.

Life isn't meant to be constantly horrible. If you're in a relationship with someone who is horrible to you and treats you badly then you can choose not to continue with that. I don't know why you would think you are overreacting to this horrible behaviour! He sounds emotionally abusive and you're miserable. Do you want things to change?

This is not an equal partnership at all and you are not his dogs body! Where will it end? When your daughter is 18? this is not normal, not fair and you should not allow this to continue -it won't get better until you put boundaries in place and if that means packing your bag and going so be it. Men rarely change. Best of luck x

It's him that's making you feel like this, questioning your sanity. He's disgusting, abusive, please get in touch with womens aid. Do you have family and friends you can speak to?