Emotional abuse or just selfish man?

[chocolateaddict231]

Hope you're having a nice weekend.

Im trying to find my feet with the situation so wanted to share some situations from the past with an ex to see if this if this seems like emotional abuse or my own sensitivities.

1. he lovebombed me at the start, chased me when I wasn't that interested and then went cold a few months later.
2. whenever anything happened in my life (my mum being very sick after 18 months together) he would withdraw and I would have go drag it out of him that he wanted to break up.
3. Ends it and comes back with a million promises that he has changed and then gets bored again.
4. Never includes me in his life or day to day plans. Always feel second choice.
5. Pays a lot of attention to women he works with on social media and has told me he has sex dreams about one.
6. I feel insecure and worried around him as he often is withdrawn, but other times he's friendly and loving.
7. Never speaks about a future together and never makes an effort with people in my life.
8. Has broken up with me saying he just needs to be alone, friend saw him on dating app. When I confronted him he said he was just curious and didn't meet anyone

He repeated this cycle for three years now

100% abusive OP. You are definitely not being over sensitive and you're well rid of him.

Thank you. He always acted like I was over reacting

He is both - and abusive people often are abusive because they are selfish to the point of being happy to make others miserable just so they can get their way

An unhinged head fxxk.

Get away.

100% abusive.

Don't go near him again.

I'm sorry to read that OP. Do try concertedly to step right away from him. The most helpful thing would probably to remove your thoughts being filled with the 'what ifs' about him and focus now on yourself. Three years is a very long time to accept that low level of commitment; to not be accepted into his life after that length of time is extreme, even excluding the rest of the awful behaviour you have described. It might be helpful to reflect on why you have been prepared to accept such a poor offer and think about how you establish better boundaries going forwards. He sounds awful. I do hope you manage to cut it off and move forwards without someone like this in your life.

A waste of space, get this clown out of your life for good. There is someone out there that will appreciate you and behave like a normal human being towards you.

This is good advice. No-one deserves this treatment!

If ever there was an utter arsehole, he is it.

Behaviour doesn’t have to be abusive to be objectionable. He sounds very selfish; he lets you down repeatedly. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s technically abusive - this is hopeless. You’ve spent 3 years putting up with this. Don’t waste any more time on him.

Thank you all. I have listened to the promises over and over again and wanted it to work out but I realise I am just anxious all the time as I ultimately don't trust his promises and am always just waiting for him to cast me aside. He has excuses like his childhood and always says he will 'get it together for us' but that never seems to happen