Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice

14 replies

GibKev · 30/04/2023 16:11

Hi everyone.

So I am a male who is very inexperienced with females and have only kissed 2 girls and not gone any further.

I have a female best friend who I have known for about 6 years and we spend a lot of time together and helped each other out through the darkest times.

When she was physically abused by her ex I was there to pick her up and keep her head above water and never judged etc.

We have been on holidays together and shared a bed, but nothing sexual has happened due to her past issues and my shyness and lack of confidence and like I said no experience.

Anyways, she was stopping at my house for about a month and we grew closer as friends as we gave each other such support.

She has moved to another place for work and we talk everyday and see each other on cam.

The other day she flashed her bra and said if I wanted to see her breasts I could and if she wanted to touch me and pleasure me she would no questions asked. She has seen me naked (shower incident) and said I have nothing to worry about.

I do find her very attractive but I dont know what to do.

I would love to lose my cherry to her and see her naked, but scared of how I would react and dont want to lose her as a person or friend.

HELP?!?!?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 17:46

Don't sleep with your friend.

And bonus advice-never use the phrase 'lose my cherry' again.

toothbrusher · 30/04/2023 17:51

Well, if you sleep with her your friendship is over and from your post it sounds like you would want her for sex rather than something more. Am I wrong?

Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 17:58

toothbrusher · 30/04/2023 17:51

Well, if you sleep with her your friendship is over and from your post it sounds like you would want her for sex rather than something more. Am I wrong?

No, its the opposit. I want to keep her as a friend and anything else is a bonus.

OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 17:58

Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 17:46

Don't sleep with your friend.

And bonus advice-never use the phrase 'lose my cherry' again.

Thanks

and the bonus advice was good too!

OP posts:
sladys · 30/04/2023 18:05

Sounds like a weird way for someone you've been friends with for so long to make a move tbh.
After you supporting her so much and being so close I'd either expect you to see each other as more friends, or perhaps move towards a relationship.

Even her propositioning you by saying she'd pleasure you is just bizarre. Like something a prostitute would offer rather than a it starting naturally by kissing etc and seeing where it leads.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/04/2023 18:12

I definitely wouldn't go there OP - it sounds like you really value her as a friend and if you have sex it could absolutely kill the friendship.

Her propositioning sounds really bizarre TBH - had she been drinking before she called you?

Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 18:20

sladys · 30/04/2023 18:05

Sounds like a weird way for someone you've been friends with for so long to make a move tbh.
After you supporting her so much and being so close I'd either expect you to see each other as more friends, or perhaps move towards a relationship.

Even her propositioning you by saying she'd pleasure you is just bizarre. Like something a prostitute would offer rather than a it starting naturally by kissing etc and seeing where it leads.

Yeh, it was unexpected and she knows I would never ask and so shy I may never meet a girl in the real world. So this would prepare me just in case I did.

And my friend is blunt and to the point and it was her normal tone as we were talking about relationships and stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 18:21

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/04/2023 18:12

I definitely wouldn't go there OP - it sounds like you really value her as a friend and if you have sex it could absolutely kill the friendship.

Her propositioning sounds really bizarre TBH - had she been drinking before she called you?

yeh, she is like my sister and i think i would hate myself if i lost her. but i do think she is fantastic and beautiful inside and out.

she hadnt been drinking. just in a good mood as i was making her laugh.

i said she was beautiful and stunning and building her up after a tough day!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 18:29

In my experience, the proposition probably comes from a place of low self esteem.

Either, she thinks she has to offer herself to men in that way in order to keep the friendship. Because otherwise they will not care about her..
Or, she is feeling particularly low atm and wants to know that men find her attractive and isn't thinking about thr fact that this could fuck up the whole friendship. She may be currenlty, in a self destructive spiral. Not thinking clearly.

Its also unfair to treat you this way.
It might seem like a nice offer but...it smacks of whatever tf is going on with her and you being used to fix it. Or worse, pity for you. You don't need pity, you are a grown man and will find a girl when it is right for you. She is a friend so I a friend for her and I it clear she is your friend because you care about her. Not because you want to sleep with her. And that she should be a friend to you to and not look down on you like that.

Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 18:30

*so be a friend to her and make it clear

Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 18:42

GibKev · 30/04/2023 18:21

yeh, she is like my sister and i think i would hate myself if i lost her. but i do think she is fantastic and beautiful inside and out.

she hadnt been drinking. just in a good mood as i was making her laugh.

i said she was beautiful and stunning and building her up after a tough day!

Show quote history

Ah OK so based on the update, she either 'just felt like it' and wasnt thinking longterm. Maybe has a habit of acting without thinking.

Or it's the self esteem thing again. She feels she owes men something just for being nice to her. She thinks that's why you were complimenting her.

Alcemeg · 30/04/2023 19:07

You could ask her if she fancies having sex with you, as you're curious, but emphasize that you'd rather keep the friendship if there's any risk of things turning sour. She sounds very, erm, straightforward!

Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 19:34

Pinkbonbon · 30/04/2023 18:42

Ah OK so based on the update, she either 'just felt like it' and wasnt thinking longterm. Maybe has a habit of acting without thinking.

Or it's the self esteem thing again. She feels she owes men something just for being nice to her. She thinks that's why you were complimenting her.

Show quote history

She was left at a young age by her dad and had serveral step dads as her mum is a serial cheat. She has had one serious bf and said I am the only one she has really let in so maybe she is confused.

And she knows when she talks about sex or stuff I go shy so she was probably seeing where I was.

I told her the first day I met her I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life and still think that, but now I love her personality.

Sometimes she does ask whats wrong with her and why people let her down etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 30/04/2023 19:36

Alcemeg · 30/04/2023 19:07

You could ask her if she fancies having sex with you, as you're curious, but emphasize that you'd rather keep the friendship if there's any risk of things turning sour. She sounds very, erm, straightforward!

She has offered and I went shy and she said she knew I would.

So next time we are together in person I might say come on and see her reaction.

Then say I knew she was bluffing etc.

Payback.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page