Dating is not for me

CantAskAnyoneElse · 30/04/2023 15:23

Yes and no.

I’m not looking for what most people are / most people arenmt looking for what I am.
So it’s better for me to just stay single.

I have the opposite ’problem’ you’re having.
I’d love a relationship, but I don’t want / can’t have sex.

Citadel8 · 30/04/2023 17:29

There are so many ugly bastards on the apps that I got bored with it all. I mean what woman would want to date a fat balding scruffy man in his 50’s wearing flip flops and a vest while offering “short term fun”

I mean. Do you think they even ever get a reply? Surely no one is that desperate.

I have it up. It’s just shit.

Citadel8 · 30/04/2023 17:30

gave

coodawoodashooda · 30/04/2023 17:30

mrsqashqai · 30/04/2023 15:11

Does anyone else prefer not to date? I have tried the apps over the years, but in all honesty, the amount of shit one has to wade through to meet someone remotely appealing doesn't seem worth the energy.

I don't miss the uncertainty of dating but it would be nice to have regular sex life again.

I feel like this too.

StickSeason · 30/04/2023 17:36

Absolutely could have written this post. I'd like a fake/flake/dross filter for Tinder. Would probably only leave me with a few matches though!

I miss sex but life stage and juggling all the bloody plates means I can't be bothered to give the energy to dating apps - it sucks the joy out of life.

Is it too much to want good sex and maybe dinner every now and then? No solutions OP - but I feel you.

Defenders · 30/04/2023 19:31

Is it just me or is that is a very cryptic post @CantAskAnyoneElse

TomatoSandwiches · 30/04/2023 19:34

Defenders · 30/04/2023 19:31

Is it just me or is that is a very cryptic post @CantAskAnyoneElse

No, I understand the post perfectly, what do you find ambiguous about it?

Nachobowls · 30/04/2023 19:40

I can't date as full time lone parent but I do miss having sex life! Don't want a fwb though, haven't dated in 6 years

CantAskAnyoneElse · 30/04/2023 20:33

Defenders · 30/04/2023 19:31

Is it just me or is that is a very cryptic post @CantAskAnyoneElse

Not on purpose.

I was just saying that most people are looking for a sexual relationship and I am looking for a relationship that is non-sexual.
So pretty much have no other options than staying single, since not many are looking for what I am and don’t know how to find them.

AuntMarch · 30/04/2023 20:48

I'm quite content with single life. It is just me and my son at home and the more threads I read on here, the happier I am about that 😂
I wouldn't mind someone to go for dinner with, or even just chill out at home in front of the TV with, when my son's at his dad's but at this point I'm kinda past missing sex, had too many disappointing encounters over the years to think it's worth the effort of finding it! If the right person for me came along I am sure I would change my mind but I'm not feeling any need to go looking for them.

Zanatdy · 30/04/2023 20:53

I spent 12yrs single and didn’t miss sex at all. Then I dated an ex colleague for 3 months and the sex was epic. Now I miss sex. I signed up to dating apps for 24hrs, got a load of men younger than my eldest son like my profile or men too old for me to be interested! One guy messaged and the conversation turned to sex in 3 messages. I mean I walked right into it my saying ‘flexible though’ (relating to my job) and he said are you? So I said well that’s what I’ve been told recently!! Haha. Then I paused my apps. I wouldn’t mind some no strings sex, might do just that, but right now things are difficult in my life so don’t want anymore complications. I miss the cuddles though too. I loved snuggling him in the morning and you don’t get that with casual sex the same. Wish I’d stayed single as I genuinely didn’t miss sex now I’d have good sex I’m desperate for more! I mean I might be bitterly disappointed anyway even if I do meet someone so maybe stick to my vibrator! Lol

Defenders · 30/04/2023 21:19

I didn't mean anything by it @CantAskAnyoneElse I should have put a smiley face on it.

StarDolphins · 30/04/2023 21:26

I am very happy being single & I’m not / would ever look for a relationship- it won’t worry me if I don’t have one. I also wouldn’t ever go on a dating site.I’ve been single for 18months.

If I met someone that would enhance my life, I might be open to it as long as they kept their own house!

Although, I wouldn’t date until my DD leaves home (she’s 7). It’s my job to provide a happy & stable home with no unrelated men being brought into her home & she only ever sees her dad Saturday daytime (no sleepover) so it’s impossible anyway.

When she leaves home, I’m planning on meeting a companion down the book club!

Catoo · 01/05/2023 00:22

🤣

Catoo · 01/05/2023 00:23

Catoo · 01/05/2023 00:22

🤣

Sorry random laugh. Was meant for Citadel’s comments.

Hellenabe · 01/05/2023 07:17

Yes me! Disappointment is the perfect word. The few decent men I've met via dating apps have been a real disappointment in other ways and if im totally honest, had i had better standards, id never have even dated them in the first place. Unlike the pp who dated an ex colleague, I've never experienced amazing sex so nothing to really miss now. Im happy no longer being let down/disappointed by relationships.

GreenwichOrTwicks · 01/05/2023 07:23

CantAskAnyoneElse · 30/04/2023 20:33

Not on purpose.

I was just saying that most people are looking for a sexual relationship and I am looking for a relationship that is non-sexual.
So pretty much have no other options than staying single, since not many are looking for what I am and don’t know how to find them.

Show quote history

Same here.
Am in an empty marriage -we lead completely separate lives and he discreetly has 'friends' because I am asexual and we need to stay together because of children with SEN.
I would love to have a relationship with someone (make) that includes affection and kindness and doing things together but without the sex.
Is there an app for asexual people seeking a relationship?

Hellenabe · 01/05/2023 07:26

To those who are asexual, do you think its because you haven't met the right person? I say this as someone who hasn't experienced perfect, amazing sex but had great fun times when I met certain people after my main ex. I realised it was more the person I was with than me being not into sex

GreenwichOrTwicks · 01/05/2023 07:35

Hellenabe · 01/05/2023 07:26

To those who are asexual, do you think its because you haven't met the right person? I say this as someone who hasn't experienced perfect, amazing sex but had great fun times when I met certain people after my main ex. I realised it was more the person I was with than me being not into sex

In my case it is possible as I was a virgin when I met DH and he wasn't experienced and was very shy so was never great for either of us and after youngest child born I was just too exhausted and it just never happened. We agreed to stay together and live separate lives. As long as he is discreet I really don't care if he is having sex with someone else as he was never any good at it anyay.

MintJulia · 01/05/2023 07:39

Yes, OP, absolutely.

Good sex, a bit of intelligent conversation and an occasional shared meal doesn't seem a lot to ask. Astonishingly hard to find though.

Highlighta · 01/05/2023 07:58

You're not alone OP. I was on various apps a few years ago, and to be honest I don't want a relationship badly enough to go through all that weeding out.

I felt sexually harassed, struggled to find decent conversation, let's not even start on the scammers on there.

After one date I was actually threatened as I wouldn't go home with him. After all he paid for the meal (I offered to pay my half, he wouldn't hear of it) so clearly he thought that entitled him to immediate sex. I left the apps after that and haven't been back.

Nah I don't have the headspace for it. I am happy single, in fact it seems to bother other people way more than me.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 01/05/2023 08:10

Hellenabe · 01/05/2023 07:26

To those who are asexual, do you think its because you haven't met the right person? I say this as someone who hasn't experienced perfect, amazing sex but had great fun times when I met certain people after my main ex. I realised it was more the person I was with than me being not into sex

No, that’s not it.
Asexuality is about lack of sexual attraction as a whole.
Many would still like a partnet / romantic relationhip.
There’s just not any interest towards sexual things. That part is just not there at all to begin with.
It’s not about not having found ’right’ petson or the quality of sex.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 01/05/2023 08:12

@GreenwichOrTwicks
Is there an app for asexual people seeking a relationship?

Facebook has asexual dating page.
And Reddit also has r/asexualdating, they are usually very young/around the world, though.

Greenfairydust · 01/05/2023 08:40

I gave up online dating a few years ago.

I had enough of the endless parade of liars, married men, casual sex seekers, misogynists and assorted weirdos.

It felt like a very shallow and transactional ''meat market'' and I started feeling unsafe.

I do wish I could meet someone decent but I have realised online dating just isn't for me so I am hoping I might meet people irl instead.

I much prefer the peace of being single to the silly dating games anyway.

The last man I dated assaulted me so this has really affected my views of men in general and I have lost most of my trust in them unfortunately.