I just need a good vent

[Overwhlemedwife]

A lot …summarised:

I quite my executive level job for a number of reasons: burn out and wanting to pursue education; in addition to having a borderline musicnous tumour removed from an ovary and being engaged and considering to start a family.

So I left my job. Almost 12 months ago and got married….

Since then I’ve become a housewife; my studies come last and the house comes first; dinner and cleaning.

I’m not opposed to cleaning or cooking especially being at home all day, but what I resent is my studies coming last and taking no place; he gets frustrated that I study and acts out before exams (mildly but enough to throw me off) but has now started to suggest that I get a job; where we live I would earn almost 90% less then I was making before, without the required education (bachelors degree) and I don’t understand why he would suggest this; why would he think this: why would i give up a corporate job to become a housewife, after saving thousands of pounds to put myself through education and making it clear I wished to be a full time student, who cooks and cleans due to being at home; not a self catering chef and domestic maid to my husband.

The full time student idea seems to have been completely forgotten about.

I have recently changed things, realising he won’t support me, and stopped prioritising him and the house over me and my studies but it’s very heavy on my heart and I can’t concentrate on my exams…. The relationship has been codependent and I am trying to undo this; going to the gym, seeing friends etc

I have an exam on Friday. I’m feeling swamped and unhealthily reading the internet for answers and getting more anxious and spiralling into depths of despair, whilst my studies sit waiting…

Notes:
I am no longer considering having a family with him and I know what lies ahead for us; I just need to get through this exam….
I have given him approx £36000 total in the first 12 months of marriage so do not feel he fully financially supports me; though he provides the monthly food and bills - I don’t what what happened to that other many (I know, know….)

head down, study, ignore him

do you have DC?

Trisfreya

I can't seem to reply to your post...

I know. I had been doing well. Last night, he woke me at 2am and so my whole day has been off. I know... thankfully no DC and yes I do not see us long term now. I just need to get stronger at not responding when he throws me off....

If you don’t see the relationship as long term and it’s throwing you off course now, what’s stopping you from ending it?

Heroicallyfound

• again I can't seem to reply to your post

It's impractical to just leave now; I have an exam in 5 days that I have invested time and money in. The emotional turmoil caused from leaving a marriage, would be emotional exhausting and overwhelming to deal with. A practical step, when no danger is involved, seems to be to wait till after the exams rather then throw myself into a situation that requires me moving, setting up a home and taking my exam at the same time; all whilst dealing with the emotional stress of a marriage failing.

Are you able to stay at a hotel for a few days ?

No. But I do think he would leave me for a few days if I asked him to; we are near his family/friends...

No doubt I will feel guilty and so before I do this - is it really reasonable?
I doubt myself...

Am I fair to ask for a few days? I feel I am, but don't I feel strong enough to justify it i suppose

Sorry... he 'acts out'? Is he your toddler?

He sounds abusive, what on earth has the £36,000 been spent on? Do everything you can to get through your exams and then get out of this relationship as soon as you can without it damaging your studies. At least you learned what he is like before tying yourself to him permanently with children. A partner should lift you up and make it easier to achieve your goals, not hold you back and resent you.

as PP have said, concentrate on the exams and ignore everything else; it is only a few days.
After the exams take stock, where did the £36k go, why did you give this to him?
If after the exams, and taking stock of where you are, you do not feel that this is a safe happy partnership, then you can deal with that in a week;s time. Best of luck with exams.