I finally said the 'D' word today to DH and feel okay about it. We have fallen out of love over the last 20 years and have checked out in our own ways but he would happily carry on bickering every day if it meant no divorce and no change. He does not like change. I am very aware that change is needed but the problem is our autistic DC have anxiety and a history of depression and I am terrified that this will trigger another year of poor mental health for them. I'd rather stay and be miserable than see that happen again. DH is a great father and has a really good relationship with DC and they would be shocked and scared about a potential divorce. I feel trapped because of this worry. DC say they do not really notice the bickering and are generally happy day to day. I do not want to try therapy as i am so tired and just want out but is that being selfish to not try to save my marriage for the sake of my DC?