Is it time to leave

[Mamatoalittleboy]

Me and my partner have been together for almost ten years, we have a son together who is nearly 2. Over the years he has had a problem with going out without letting me know and staying out all night binge drinking with his friends. I’ve had many a anxious night calling/texting him trying to find out when he’s coming home or where he is. I know this behaviour is wrong but I’ve stayed because I love him and we’ve created a life together but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting depressed because of it. When we had our little boy we nearly split up over it and I went to stay with my parents and had the intentions of ending the relationship and never going back to him. He said he would stop drinking to save us and he did for 3-4 months (which was a nice time and I felt good in the relationship) but ended up going back to alcohol and started doing it again.

I feel like I’ve definitely had enough this time and like I can’t take it anymore. I know I must seem like a doormat but wanted to try to make it work for our son and I do love him which makes everything difficult.

advice please or experiences from someone else who’s gone through the same

My only experience is that when you are unhappy about fundamental behaviour like this, if they won’t change, then you just get more and more un happy. It’s a mistake to think you can put up with it. Sooner or later you will leave.

I have this too. It’s horrible and i dread when he goes on nights out, not being controlling but i guess from the uncertainty of what time he will be home/ if he will be ok or get mugged/ if he will spend all his money and leave us short for the month/ drink spiked/lose phone/ will he end up at some randoms house. Also will he shut and lock front door, start cooking/fall asleep/burn house down/ drive whilst over the limit🤨 he feels like a liability

Does he have issues with drinking other than on nights out?

Ahh I’m glad it’s not just me. I feel the exact same as you. I’ve found when we’re out or we go somewhere with alcohol involved he finds it hard to stop and can’t say no to a drink. He doesn’t really drink at home though so it’s weird. He works a very stressful job so I don’t know if it’s his way of a release but even so it’s not acceptable. I accept him going out with friends but if I can’t get hold of him if a emergency happens that’s what worries me the most. Just to know where he is, what time he plans to come back or if he’ll be back later than planned would be fine but it’s the shutting off completely, it keeps me up all night until he finally returns

Its a horrible anxious night of not being able to sleep and if you do drop off, waking to find them not next to you, just set you off again worrying

You are right that his lack of respect is making you depressed.
He is drinking and not considering you while he is out all night. He is showing you who is really is. That his time and wants far outweigh your relationship needs. Not to mention your DC.

It is hard to leave a relationship that has been going on for so long.

But would you allow a stranger to treat you this way and then tell you occasionally that they love you?

Or would you get really angry at their treatment of you?

You see you may have lost sight of the fact he chooses to treat you this way, consciously that is his choice and he is fully aware what he is doing. Do you think that is healthy for you or your little one?

Gather your strength and worth and now choose you over him. Its not selfish, as whatever he is giving you is loud and clear selfish and not even close to love. Love does not look and feel like this.

Think of the next 5 years with him the way he is treating you, no amount of devotion from you will change him. He is not a project that you can change. That is on him but for 10 years or so this is his treatment of you. Choose you.