Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Name calling, scared of being a single mum

11 replies

newtothissortofthing · 29/04/2023 17:33

I'll make this short(edit- I failed) But basically my partner and I are living together with our 9 month old daugher. Since having her I have probably had some hormonal issues and struggled with sleep deprivation and mood swings.

My partner (now ex as I ended things) has referred to me during arguments as a btch, cnt, miserable b*tch, evil, asshole mental, told me during an argument he felt like punching me in the face, "Your whole family is mad... they live in a little shitty council house" etc etc. He acknowledges he shouldn't say these things and at times I have become so angry I've said mean things back.

Due to some things that happened and fundamental differences in views on things such as finance (he owns house, I pay rent which includes half of mortgage, he said he would never add me to the deed and whilst I was pregnant and engaged he asked for a prenup, and also when I asked to contribute less during mat leave he initially said no and only let me do so begrudgingly), I do not think the relationship is healthy and I am in a bad mood a lot of the time because there is so much resentment and I cantforget things he has said about me and my family.

He says it's because I'm miserable and always in a mood or picking a fight that he calls me names and that I've ruined the relationship and I should be happy because our life is "perfect".

I am waiting on social housing. I am terrified I'm making a mistake and I should just stay and try to be happy. He loves his daughter, does housework and childcare but I still don't feel loved. But I worry that when daughter is older she will hear insults thrown at me if I am in a mood or "complain" about something (nag about housework etc). He says he obviously would never call me names in front of her if she was old enough to understand.

I jist need some reassurance I think. Does anyone regret leaving a relationship that had its good points and being a single mum? I just don't think I'll ever be happy with him, he says I'll never be happy with anyone.

OP posts:
reececodd2 · 29/04/2023 17:51

hey mummy

theWarOnPeace · 29/04/2023 17:57

Never regretted separating from a miserable and nasty man. Not once. Nobody gives a shit or makes judgement if you’re a single parent, and if they do then I simply don’t care. I feel more sorry for people living unhappily. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Live your life and move onwards and upwards. Nothing more draining and time consuming than a bad relationship.

newtothissortofthing · 29/04/2023 18:00

It's so draining. I'm so happy all day with me and my kid at home and as soon as he gets home no matter how nice he is,I just can't be happy. He just always wants us to put things behind us and move on but it's built up. My family and close mates don't like him, they say I've become sadder and less bubbly since going out with him. It will be OK I'm lucky to have a mum who would do anything for any of her 7 kids lol!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 29/04/2023 18:33

I loved being a single parent tbh.

You love being at home with the kids. It would be like that but without the change in atmosphere when he returned.

And you have family support which I didn't have. I'd far rather be on my own than in a relationship that made me unhappy.

Pinkbonbon · 29/04/2023 19:48

He's horrible. A very nasty absuer.
Run. Run fast and run far and never look back.

jannier · 29/04/2023 20:03

He's verbally abusing you and using you to help pay his mortgage but making sure you don't get a share despite raising his child so earning less yourself ...hmm tough question not

newtothissortofthing · 29/04/2023 20:18

I've tried explaining this to him but he just makes me feel thick and that I'm trying to steal his house. He said when I was pregnant that what is his is his and what's mine is mine but then said I should use jy savings to fund mat leave. I know its bad its just He twists everything and you are left feeling like the irrational money grabber

OP posts:
jannier · 29/04/2023 20:45

newtothissortofthing · 29/04/2023 20:18

I've tried explaining this to him but he just makes me feel thick and that I'm trying to steal his house. He said when I was pregnant that what is his is his and what's mine is mine but then said I should use jy savings to fund mat leave. I know its bad its just He twists everything and you are left feeling like the irrational money grabber

Why should you use your savings to fund having his child? He's abusive your not thick he's manipulating you ....and he's the money grabber ....if he's not treating you like an equal partner now what future do you have get out.

AgrathaChristie · 29/04/2023 21:15

jannier · 29/04/2023 20:03

He's verbally abusing you and using you to help pay his mortgage but making sure you don't get a share despite raising his child so earning less yourself ...hmm tough question not

This exactly.
Honestly, no one judges single mums these days, and I say this as an old person! You’ll be happier, your child will grow up happier. When you’re settled and can sort childcare you’ll be able to choose about going back to work, or retraining, getting a career for yourself and doing what you want with your life — not what he thinks you can or can’t do.

Nimbostratus100 · 29/04/2023 21:17

You are doing the right thing, and being a single mum is great xx

newtothissortofthing · 29/04/2023 21:40

Thank you! Luckily I have a career which pays well, I'm due back very soon, I should have left earlier so I had more time to sort things out. I left for two weeks when she was only very little but came back after many promises... should have stayed away.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page