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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sharing bed for sleeping or sleeping separate

4 replies

marseytone · 29/04/2023 14:10

Hi,

I'd like to ask others what their take is on sleeping arrangements - thoughts on sleeping in the same bed or a separate bed (can be in the same room).

This is separate, of course, to sharing a bed for intimacy, this is strictly outside of that activity (and at least, after it).

Here are some additional thoughts with some history.

  • Some like separate due to a little more privacy
  • Some like separate due to one or both partners snoring and interrupting sleep
  • Having to share a bed due to size of house
  • Some people may assume (incorrectly) that they aren't in love with their partner if they don't share the same bed for sleep
  • Some people may assume the other partner is cheating (texting etc)

The idea of adult couples sleeping in separate beds is not a new phenomenon and has been present throughout history. In fact, it was the norm for most of human history, with separate sleeping arrangements being a sign of wealth and status.
In ancient Rome, for example, it was customary for couples to sleep on separate couches, while in Japan, traditional homes often had separate rooms for sleeping. In medieval Europe, even married couples often slept in separate beds or chambers, especially among the aristocracy.
It was only in the late 19th and early 20th centuries that the idea of sharing a bed with one's partner became more popular, and this was largely due to the rise of the middle class and changes in societal norms.
However, the practice of sleeping in separate beds or even separate bedrooms has become more common again in recent years, particularly among older couples. Some couples may do so for health reasons or due to snoring, while others may simply prefer the extra space and independence.
Overall, the history of adult couples sleeping in separate beds is complex and has varied throughout different cultures and time periods.

OP posts:
80s · 29/04/2023 14:42

Is this a school essay, an article in a newspaper or an AI test?

DivorcedAndDelighted · 29/04/2023 19:54

What are you asking?
My ExH wanted separate beds. It broke my heart because I'm someone who loves cuddling and snuggling up. He wasn't, and didn't see why it was important to me. The separate bedrooms was, for us, a reflection of incompatibility over a major issue. Now I'm with someone who also loves cuddling up and it's like every night together replenishes and recharges me and leaves me happy. This hasn't faded after 2 1/2 years ; it may seem a silly thing to some, but it's something we both love doing quite apart from intimacy.

marseytone · 29/04/2023 23:57

80s · 29/04/2023 14:42

Is this a school essay, an article in a newspaper or an AI test?

Neither, but you're welcome to contribute to the topic.

OP posts:
marseytone · 29/04/2023 23:58

DivorcedAndDelighted · 29/04/2023 19:54

What are you asking?
My ExH wanted separate beds. It broke my heart because I'm someone who loves cuddling and snuggling up. He wasn't, and didn't see why it was important to me. The separate bedrooms was, for us, a reflection of incompatibility over a major issue. Now I'm with someone who also loves cuddling up and it's like every night together replenishes and recharges me and leaves me happy. This hasn't faded after 2 1/2 years ; it may seem a silly thing to some, but it's something we both love doing quite apart from intimacy.

I'd like to ask others what their take is on sleeping arrangements - thoughts on sleeping in the same bed or a separate bed (can be in the same room).

OP posts:
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