Advise please

[Catty28]

I have been my partner for 13 years. He is 35 and I am 30, we have two children aged 6 and 18 months. He is often always patronising when he speaks to me and often puts me down, I have low self esteem. We have just been on a day out together, we went for a walk and there were ducks walking around, I have a phobia of them and was starting to have a panic attack. He said oh you have just shown yourself up in front of people acting like a child this resulted in me crying and saying I am sick of how he speaks to me and that I often think of what my life would be like if I was with someone else who was more caring and understanding. He walked off and we have not spoken since. Sat in the car in silence and we have a two hour journey home. I love him with all my heart but I don't know what to do.

Leave. Your self esteem will rocket, and your life will generally not be dragged down.

Can you leave? Have you got any support?

I have my grandma but she is 83 I think it would be too much moving in with her and the two children

I wouldn’t leave just yet as I don’t think your at the end of your road yet . You’ll know when you are . Keep calling him out on his hurtful words and keep expressing how he makes you feel . Be very clear that this is unacceptable. Set your bar firmly higher . Most importantly, do not keep relying on him for your happiness. Do your own stuff , with the children and without . Build a life for yourself that you no longer need him . Show him your strength. He will look at you differently, and hopefully start respecting you and appreciating you . If not , leave .

You don't set your bar higher by training people. You do it by rejecting people.

Would you really want a partner you'd had to teach to be nice to you @Ydkiml?

Why? Why would you want someone who wasn't instinctively respectful?

What??

That's terrible advice!

She's been with him for 13 years. If he hasn't worked out how to be nice to her by now, he isn't going to start any time soon.

Training someone to be nice to you. Blimey.

I have been my partner for 13 years

we have two children

And he hasn't married you @Catty28 ?

I'm not suggest you marry him now of course, I'm just thinking that thinking about that might be an added thing that tips you over the edge into leaving (which is definitely what you should do- he's cruel.)