He looked at another woman's profile

[Imogenbee]

My partner created an online group as part of our in person community group. Myself and few others help admin the group. Recently a woman joined the group which another admin accepted her request. My partner posted a welcome post to all the new members. The woman asked on the post how the group worked which someone else responded to.

My partner went to show me something on his Facebook on his phone the other day and I noticed he had looked this woman up. She was fairly attractive and looks his type. I don't see why he felt the need to look her up when the admin's are pretty good at spotting real and catfish accounts. I'm not going to say anything. My partner is happy with me and says I am the love of his life, habits lucky to have me and will take me out for meal and buys flowers regularly.

I know he runs the community group so is going to get people contacting him. Does anyone else have partners who look up other women online?

If he had looked up the profile of a bloke called Dave who had joined the group, would you be wondering whether he's secretly gay and checking Dave out? I imagine not.

It's pretty normal to check a profile. The fact that she's attractive is neither here nor there. It does my head in when people make assumptions like this and are only able to see an attractive woman in terms of how men might or might not react to her looks.

I was starting to worry at the beginning of this thread that I am a terrible wife for occasionally just being nosey and looking at peoples profiles. Thank god some rational people came along to reassure me!

You’re really overthinking this. People are nosey and looking at a profile really shouldn’t bring on so much questioning and doubt, especially in what you describe as a secure relationship.

The way you have absolutely no idea that normal men exist. I'm sorry.

But the op’s partner STARTED the group, it’s perfectly rational that he would be curious/interested in the people joining the thing he started.

Oh no, he must be one of the bad ones. My eyes can't roll any harder.

Do you cry every time he goes in public? Because he physically sees other women?

He probably looked her up because he is admin and was curious. Have you checked if he's done it to other new members previously? Not just the ones you view as his type?

Type is a myth, BTW, if they're open to cheat and the opportunity arises, with anyone, it'll happen.

The amount of distrust and immediate "of course he's looking for her photos" hysteria that blows up on these threads it's ridiculous.

Why don't you ask? Probably because deep down you know how stupid it sounds.

This is how I see it. There's nothing wrong with my DP looking at a woman he fancies. He's just looking at her. However if his manner of looking at her makes it clear to her or to me that he fancies her then that upsets me because he's either trying to communicate with her that he's interested and or not caring about me or humiliating me.

IRL or online I don't care, the same rules apply.

If we were out for dinner for example and he spent the time openly eyeballing the woman at the table beside us I would stand up and leave.

However your partner didn't (I assume) like any of her pics and you only spotted by accident that he looked her up.

This to me is the equivalent of me arriving at the restaurant at the same time a hot woman walks by and realising he's subtly checking her out after she walked by without realising I'm witnessing all of this. Yes I'd possibly feel a tiny twinge of insecurity but he's done nothing wrong here.