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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When will this end?

4 replies

Lowdown78 · 28/04/2023 14:32

Hi.
I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what to do.
My ex partner of 27 yrs left me 3 weeks ago after saying he isn't in love with me and doesn't see me in his future( we have teen/adult children)
I am still thrown by this even though we've been amicable. About 6 months ago our middle child moved out leaving him, me and our youngest at home. He does various activities to keep healthy but this really got intense after middle child left. I am disabled, can do various activities but nothing as strenuous as he can. He went on a health kick. Going veggie and cutting out sweets and stuff which I have no problem with. I've gained a little weight so did the health kick too. He just seemed to be spending more and more time away from the home, been distant. He has mental health problems so I though maybe he was just stressed ( he doesn't work)
This went on for a few more weeks, I tried talking to him, he always said "I'm ok".
Then out off the blue 3 weeks ago I said please just tell me what's wrong, I asked if it was various things, including me. He said no, it wasn't me. Then literally said "I will always love you, but I'm not in love with you and I don't see you in my future" I was and still am so confused. 27 years we where together. He's since moved out and visits every other day to see our youngest child. He acts like everything is normal and like I'm his friend. He asks if I need things picking up from shop or whatever. It's tearing me apart. I will admit we weren't as close as we used to be but he didn't even want to try and talk things through. He's now actively job hunting with interviews lined up. Going out drinking with mates, new clothes. He is really blasé about what hes been doing. He seems to be just getting on with life and it feels so unfair. I'm left with no answers, I had to deal with telling our children and the fallout from that. I'm currently trying to decorate my kitchen because it just reminds me of all the years worth of memories we shared.
I just don't know how to deal with this. I want to move on and start my life again (I know well never be together again) but I just don't know how?
I've done everything for him and my family for the last 2 decades. I don't know how to do this on my own.

OP posts:
Londontoderby · 28/04/2023 14:38

27 years is a long time, people change. I take it you still love/loved him? It sounds painful, only thing you can do is give it time for yourself to heal and move on.

It’s horrible when things like this happen.

Lowdown78 · 28/04/2023 14:50

@Londontoderby I do love him. I am so incredibly grateful for all the memories we share and for my 3 amazing children. It got to the point though where we did nothing together, no shared interests, the only thing we had in common was our love for our children. I just fell out of love with him and likewise.
It just hurts still because of how sudden it was.

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 28/04/2023 15:08

Chechez La femme.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 28/04/2023 16:29

'I love you but am not in love with you' is part of the mid-life crisis script. Had that served to me. You may find their attention now lies somewhere else.

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