Aibu here, maybe I am I just am so mad

[bluevioletta]

Sorry this is long, mostly as I'm raging and possibly totally unreasonably.

Last night I asked my dh to pick up some milk as I'm making cakes for a cake sale at school today. He cba and this morning I could see he was going to deliberately not get it so again so that left me forced me to get it as he cba.

I however refused to get it & went home after school drop off and when he asked about dc cupcakes which he knew they really really wanted I said nope can't make them without the milk. He decided to hold out, I already sent dc in with money to buy other cakes and won't be making them if dh doesn't get the milk as for some reason this is the last straw amongst so many other incidents where I ask for help and he deliberately leaves things until it's so late I have to do the job myself.

He decided to leave me stewing or a few hours and now he's just realised the dc actually won't have cakes for their cake sale and they will be upset, he's now asked for the millionth time what I need for these cupcakes as he's going out, (all while puffing his chest out ensuring I understand he is the saviour of cupcakes)

I don't know why but I am just fuming, why he has to ask the same questions over and over again. I told him to check the recipe as I've already told him numerous times.

He then magically remembers and says, ah milk, what type of milk. Again, something he was already told, it's our usual type of milk and in addition to this one dc is losing weight atm so we had a full blown conversation a few days ago about how we should use full fat milk going forward to help ensure they don't lose weight.

I'm so tired from it all. So tired of not being able to say hey can you get some milk and him not simply saying yes

I just told him I've had enough of all the game playing all the control no one can possibly forget after being told so many times. And even if he forgot why does he need to ask me why not just check as the recipe is clearly open on the kitchen work top,

He then started crying saying I don't appreciate what he does for us. I don't because I don't feel like he does do much.

Ffs if he just said I cba to get the milk tbh this would actually make my life easier. Aibu for not believing him?! That he does deliberately go out of his way to make my life miserable so I do more than him, of course tears make me feel guilty but I feel like I can't be a mug right now. Just angry and sad.

What’s the division of tasks usually? Do you both work? How old are your children? They’re the ones that have missed out because of this pettiness about picking up some milk between you and your DH. How far away is the shop even? Don’t you have more important things to spend your time on? I can walk to the shop and get milk in 10 minutes, how long would it take you?

This is not what's really bothering you, OP. This isn't about milk. This is about division of labour, including the mental load. It's a huge issue in a relationship. We have to feel that life's tasks are divided satisfactorily for both parties, otherwise it gets to be such a problem that something as simple as buying a pint of milk seems like a marital strain.

Have you talked to him about what tasks need doing, and who does what, in a more general sense than this particular milk issue? If so, what did he say? If not, what stops you? Worried he'll get angry? Think he won't listen so it's pointless?

OP, from your description, it sounds as both of you are game players in the " I do more than you do" game .

This ain’t about the milk.

you pitch against each other, instead of for each other. You’re not on the same team.

You can make cupcakes without milk.

I think out of all the responses @Watchkeys hit the nail on the head.

I don’t know why you have made this post about getting milk. Because on its own, well you wanted the milk, so you get it. But as other poster has mentioned, there is something much bigger going on and you might get more out of your thread if you actually say what the larger issues are.

As an aside, milk for cakes? Well I never.

Why didn’t you just go get the milk
seems complete non issue and over reaction

guess there’s a drip feed coming

It sounds like he is on your last nerve and that the resentment has built up to the point you don’t even want to be on the same team anymore.

Your relationship does appear to be in crisis. He is crying which suggests he is either manipulative or on his last nerve too.

The problem with point scoring is that you might win the battle but you both lose the war because you are both unhappy.

I would honestly suggest counselling

Did you not read the post properly? Or do you just not understand how power, control and manipulation is used in relationships as a 'death by one thousand cuts'.

Actually crying? 🙄

@millymollymoomoo

OP says That he does deliberately go out of his way to make my life miserable so I do more than him

What more do you need her to say to clearly state what's wrong, apart from the milk?