So I'll start by saying my marriage is not awful. Not by a long stretch. There is no cheating, no abuse, not even tonnes of arguments.
But I've been feeling for a while that this just isn't what I want. We have only been married for 4 years (together 7) and share 1 child.
There are things about my husband/relationship that concern me. I think our views on life and other important things are just not the same. I often feel like he wants a housewife but who works too. He's a self employed workaholic (although he'd tell you he does it all "for us", I am pretty sure he'd be the same whether we were here or not).
I often feel like we don't have a proper family. We don't really do much of anything together. He tends to work a lot of weekends and may occasionally come for a walk with us or something small on a weekend but we never do anything like take a weekend away together or go on holidays. He's not a very sociable person whereas I'm the opposite so we rarely get together with friends or anything like that and I tend to attend anything like that alone, weddings, birthdays, etc... 99% of my friends (and there isn't hundreds of them by any means!) have never laid eyes on him.
I feel like he can be very selfish sometimes although he'd never admit it. He is happy to do things "for us" providing they are things he wants to do. If he is asked to do anything he doesn't want to do he will down right refuse. Even small things like taking our son to soft play on a Saturday afternoon, our son has a blast so I try to take him occasionally. He's never once come with us because it's 'not his cup of tea' (as if it's mine!!) But he never seems to understand that the reason he should do these things is because it's our child's 'cup of tea'.
I feel like we get along really well, we can often be best friends, but only whilst everything is going his way i.e. he's left to work as much as he likes and I don't complain about him not doing anything else and I also do everything at home and with our child whilst also working.
I work 4 days a week which we agreed on as we couldn't afford the extra 5th day in nursery right now and yet I'm made to feel like shit if I ever ask anything of him that requires doing something he isn't keen on because 'he works more than me'.
I feel underappreciated and taken for granted a lot and I often fantasize about being with someone else.
But it's hard because when we go through, often very long, stages of these issues not raising their head I feel quite happy. He changes his attitude like the wind though so one day something won't be a problem and the next it will, it's hard to know where you stand.
I feel like if I really had no concerns about our son and his feelings and also finances, I would want to leave but I feel stuck and don't know which way to turn. Like I should just stick it out because I'm not miserable and I can be pretty happy some of the time too so is it really worth it. But when I ask myself do I see myself being with my husband forever the answer is no and I feel like that isn't right.
Another issue that is starting to raise its head is that I'm having feelings about maybe wanting more children in the future and he absolutely doesn't. I am 29 and he is 36.
I feel lost and like I don't know what to do or how it would even work. Financially I feel like I'd be absolutely desolate if I were to leave.
I don't have the money myself to see a solicitor for an initial consultation to see how anything would work so I feel like I have absolutely no idea where I stand.