I don’t want to sleep with DH does that come back?

[Bacchus23]

My DH has had a sex addiction, which has shown in the past (not while with me) in use of prostitutes, porn and keeping on at me for sex.
some examples include, forcing me to give a blow job when I’d just returned from the hospital to identify my DF’s body, demanding sex after I’d given birth, keeping on at me for sex despite us having it 4 or more times a week where I’d have to get really stressed before he will accept no, wanting anal when I don’t.
I couldn’t be affectionate with him without him trying it on, pretty much ever.
that side of our relationship has been over for me for years, we sleep in separate rooms. Though sex happens, it is transactional and I fantasise to get through it.
it seems an odd thing to say but other parts of the relationship worked and we have DC (now 21 and 15) and it’s difficult to make change to a family set up.
he is now offering to seek help for this
he has attended therapy for DV before and that actually worked
The trouble is, I don’t have any feelings for him in a romantic way
I don’t want to be with him like that. He irritates me.
It’s really sad facing the breakdown of a family and a life
Would those feelings ever come back?

Your not wanting to have sex with him seems to be a healthy and normal response to the way he is.

He sounds utterly vile.

And did I read he's been violent too?

Your mind and body are screaming no at any engagement with this creep.

Agree with pp, your reaction sounds spot on, absolutely healthy and natural given the degrading way he has, and still is treating you.

If he is still trying it on he hasn't taken full responsibility for his past actions and the impact on you. And if you are having sex for his sake and disassociating to get through it, he is disregarding you in a horrific way and this is absolutely not the relationship you deserve.

I hope you have support and care that you need, please consider contacting Women's Aid, as this is what they are there for.

Sounds like this has been going on for years. Have you had couples therapy? What is it that you want him to do? Clearly your sex drive are mismatched.

I don't think his sex drive will change, but hopefully his attitude towards you will, with therapy.

But if there has been no change in behaviour, it's unlikely to change. You will have to make that choice of leaving or staying with the status quo.

Op he sexually assaults you. Of course you don't want to have sex with him. Have you spoken to a counselor? (On your own, not with him) I think you should speak to someone and try to leave him.

some examples include, forcing me to give a blow job when I’d just returned from the hospital to identify my DF’s body

Sexual assault. He would make me
Sick too.
Being nice elsewhere doesn't make up for its abuse thats what it is.

Why would you want to have sex with a rapist?

I think you have to face the break up of your marriage - plan for it and see f you can mitigate the effects on your DC.

You are worth far more than your husband values you.

.... forcing me to give a blow job when I’d just returned from the hospital to identify my DF’s body

None of the rest of what you wrote here is relevant....

Im really sorry you had to experience this. Not only is he a rapist but he did so at such an obviously harrowing time which is doubly sick.

For this alone, you need to LTB.

Hi OP - I agree with PPs - it’s very hard to see why you would ever want to be intimidate with him again. This isn’t a case of you losing interest Bev you’re exhausted and touched out looking after little ones. Your body has shut down as a protective measure against someone who has been happy to sexually assault you. It sounds like ending the marriage would be better.

For your own sanity get away from this vile man.

His behaviours are abnormal. Why are you still with him? Please speak to Women's Aid because you are being abused and need to get out of this situation.

forcing me to give a blow job when I’d just returned from the hospital to identify my DF’s body, demanding sex after I’d given birth

What the fuck is this? What the fuck?!!

How is he even still your H, let alone your ‘D’ one?

He has shown you who he is on numerous occasions, you need to accept he will never change. He sounds vile, he's selfish & shows you no care, respect, or love. Has he also been violent? You deserve so much more, he is coercing you into having sex with him, does he use coercion in other areas of your life.? This isn't a good environment for you or your children, who will have picked up on the atmosphere.
Please contact Women's Aid & get support to leave him, also a solicitor. You can also report to the police because he is raping & abusing you.
Im so sorry.
Get all documentation, passport etc in a safe place too.