Partner ASD diagnosis process

[BigGreen]

Hi, is anyone else's partner going through the diagnostic process for ASD?

I was feeling quite optimistic about the benefits it might offer DH, but have found the interview brought up a lot of unexpected emotions.

I feel a lot of - I dunno, if grief is the right word - hearing the true and unvarnished depth of DH struggles. It also feels quite final; things like struggling with the kids' noise I put down to DH chronic illness that waxes and wanes. Yet if it's sensory sensitivity it's likely a permanent thing.

Due to his chronic illness I've given up a lot of things, like a career working abroad to enable DH to have what he needs. Selfishly I'm worried about what more accommodations I'll be expected to make since tbh I'm struggling to get my needs met at all in our family situation.

Would be great to hear from others in the same situation.

it depends on what the chronic illness is - as it can be an independent issue made worse by his neurodiversity

the grief at the realisation that this is it is normal - for you and for him. One of the hardest parts of dealing with a lifetime diagnosis is realising there is no cure and things that bother you will always bother you.

But knowing this may help him learn how to deal with these issues

I found my DH diagnosis helpful to understand him a bit better! Like for example, one day a week he does a 10 hour public facing work day so when he comes home he is 'peopled out' so when he takes himself upstairs and isn't very talkative I now know it nothing I have done, he just needs to self regulate. Also to understand some of his other sensory stuff and me not dropping plans on him last minute. I was a sod for doing that and not understanding why it was a big deal!

Some parts are hard, the lack of small talk, though we do have big deep conversations! Dd is also very much like him, so there are times when it does feel a bit lonely when they want their own space!