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Relationships

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Original poster

Tenancy agreement

10 replies

Julila7919 · 26/04/2023 22:16

Been with my bf for four years , we got engaged year ago, he was in council place when we met then moved to another council place that we chose together as it was our home...new memories etc...
We were chatting today as you do and I said it's time for me to go on council tenancy it's been four years...I pay half of everything anyway rent, bills, food etc...I asked as felt it was time were a couple , getting married etc then his face dropped..his reaction was ' you ain't going on the tenancy' ' I won't put you on the tenancy' don't ask me again....
I was taken back I asked why his reaction was like that he said ' cos after six months you will kick me out' ....I was taken back...I never kicked him out in the past never thought of doing so.....if anything he's always mentioned me leaving in arguments...my house u leave, never came to it though! He's just said it in heated arguments...
We are engaged to get married next year and he won't even consider putting on the tenancy even though I pay half of everything...
I am confused and taken back by his reaction tonight....also I am 51! So not a teenager
Thanks Ju

OP posts:

good96 · 26/04/2023 22:27

That is a strange one… especially as you are engaged to be married??
For me. I’d be having second thoughts and questioning if I want to be marrying this man!

scoobydoo1971 · 26/04/2023 23:15

I would think carefully about marrying a man with that attitude. It gives him legal rights over any of your assets, and that attitude in divorce proceedings would not be pretty. My first thoughts would be that he was claiming some benefits as a single person. Have you checked his paperwork, bank statements, council tax demands?

Original poster

Julila7919 · 27/04/2023 06:18

Definitely not claiming single person benefits etc...I deal with bills , we pay half..etc so nothing dodgy going on there.
It's literally he will not put me on the tenancy until we are married...as. He feels once he does I will throw him out and its his safety net!
He was firm with this decision and told me to not bring it up again...were not children..
He does say things like it's my house if u don't like this and that then leave in heated arguments that's his go to thing!
But I am currently feeling quite insecure...

OP posts:

Naunet · 27/04/2023 08:33

Well stop paying half for a start, why should you pay 50% without the same rights?

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 08:35

Naunet · 27/04/2023 08:33

Well stop paying half for a start, why should you pay 50% without the same rights?

Well as she lives there, like any renter.

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 08:36

Sorry should have said lodger.

op, it’s not a good sign and I’d wonder if rhe wedding will go ahead..or if he will find a reason not to

Naunet · 27/04/2023 09:24

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 08:35

Well as she lives there, like any renter.

Show quote history

She doesn’t have the same legal protections as any other renter. A landlord can not just throw you out in the street, and he benefits from that protection, she doesn’t. So again, why should she pay half when he could kick her out tomorrow?

Naunet · 27/04/2023 09:25

Groggygymdodger · 27/04/2023 08:36

Sorry should have said lodger.

op, it’s not a good sign and I’d wonder if rhe wedding will go ahead..or if he will find a reason not to

Lodgers pay less for the very reason that they have less protections.

Pinkdelight3 · 27/04/2023 10:10

So he will put you on when you're married? And that's pretty soon. I think that's okay tbh. That's when you make the big binding commitment and legally pool your possessions. Until then, you could both walk away unburdened, but if he's put you on it and you suddenly want to split, he's screwed. Sure, it's a matter of trust/faith in each other, but you're in your 50s, not naive about these things. Until you're married (and even then there's no guarantees), what's the rush? You'd be paying rent to live wherever you were without the benefits and complications of a council tenancy.

Pinkdelight3 · 27/04/2023 10:18

You could maybe pay less than half if you want to take a stand and save some reserve in case you have to/want to leave. I get the concerns, but honestly if you were a woman with a secure tenancy and a guy wanted in on it before you were married, I could see everyone here telling you to protect yourself and not put him on it till marriage.

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