Three years later I'm still alone ,how do I get happy again?

[dlingalingalong]

Three years ago I started seeing a guy and he treated me terrible,narcissist /player/ruined my self esteem.
I clung on for 8 months because I enjoyed going out /trips away and stupidly I loved him.
Anyway he ditched me in a very cruel way and three years later I'm still alone.
I have 3 friends who I never see as they have kids-I try and organise meet ups even pic nics/days out with their kids but because I have none -they say no as their kids will be bored
So every day I finish work,come home and check my ex's Facebook and he's no married.
I check daily and see his honeymoon posts /weekends away etc etc and I'm alone.

I started a new job but made no friends.
I did fitness classes to try and make friends but everyone keeps themselves to themselves
I tried online dating -didn't work

So my life is finish work
Come home /sit alone
Weekends I go to town alone and come home and get a takeaway
No nights out /no holidays -just nothing

Watching everyone with the life I used to have
I don't know how to get a life
Im trying but nothing

He sounds well raised, @GreyCarpet ! Wish I'd been like that at 24.

Have you thought about getting some therapy?

Tell me about it! 😅

Oh the years I wouldn't have wasted...

And thanks.

@GreyCarpet yeah, maybe we should all take a leaf out of his book - great way of living. It's never too late and we're never too old fingers 🤞

No magic solution sorry. You need to take steps. First stop looking at his FB profile. No good will come of it. Get out and about even if you don't feel like it. Join a class, volunteer. Get a PT job in a pub. You need to create strategies to meet people it's the only way. Learn to enjoy your own company. Lots of resources online.

Another one saying stop checking his profile. It’s torture for you and a huge reason why you haven’t moved on and met someone else.
My ex whom I’d been with for years was awful to me and within weeks of us breaking up I never checked his profile again, because I knew it would become obsessive. Of course I was tempted many times, but refused to go there for my own sanity.
You can’t look to the future while you’re still living in the past.

I was single for years after my ex. Like you, my friends had their family life (I have a DS but he was with his DF at weekend) so rarely went out. I tried to do activities to meet new people but it’s hard when you’re older and I can also be a bit shy. I also tried online dating but ditched it as I felt I was a waste of time.

Give it time. I eventually made some new friends via work which gave me a bit more of a social life, I returned to dating and met my DH, and my friends started wanting to go out a lot more because their children were older so they didn’t feel as bad about leaving them for a meal or a night out.

I was going to suggest a part time bar job, but someone beat me to it!

Lots of people at big gyms doing the classes etc do keep themselves to themselves - you could also try doing the smaller group classes that are known for a community - F45/CrossFit/Orange Theory if you want a bit of fitness too. I joined CF after moving to a new place, you go every day, see the same people and after a few months youre fitter, and have a new set of friends if you're open to it ☺️
Ofc, not for everyone but best thing I ever did.

I really feel for you. I'm similar in that I got my heart ripped out by a vile narcissist pig who I loved very much.
It's only been 5 months for me and I do have a daughter but I can fully empathise with your feelings of loneliness. Whilst I have wonderful friends and I do go out with them, it's a different 'vibe' from having single friends and the type of nights out you have.
Fortunately, my narc doesn't have any social media so I can't stalk him as I feel I would if I could.
I am focused fully on my health by going to the gym and eating as healthily as I can (without wanting to jump off a bridge - we all need a pizza now and then!) and channeling energy into work where I'm getting so much lovely feedback and validation from people I respect.
As mentioned, having my daughter is also a great help (although on the days where I feel broken it's exhausting trying to be a good mum, but it gives me a reason to power through) and I spend a lot of time with my mum and dad who have been my saviours through the gut wrenching heartache that genuinely left me with worrying thoughts.

Reading is also incredibly therapeutic. If you haven't already got one, buy a kindle and download a book called The Midnight Library. I swear it will make you see life in a new perspective.
With no children and being so young (I wish I was 32 again!) the world is at your feet honey. You will come out stronger in the end, you truly have total freedom to do what you want and go where you want (although I don't pretend to know your financial or work situation)
And believe me when I tell you, we BOTH have had very lucky escapes from narcissistic asshats who don't deserve our time. Make changes and focus on you, the you that you want to be. You'll be ok xx

@Corastiredmummy what a lovely post. You deserve luck and happiness xx