DH and his bloody phone

[tatteddear]

DH has a busy, very senior job. It's not a life or death type role, more like media/advertising type stuff.
He gets his work emails to his phone (just has one phone). And he is never off the the bloody thing.
I wake up in the morning -he's on it checking Linked in. Then he scrolls through insta-not necessarily for work-then he sends a few Emails. His phone is in his hand all the time. I talk to him, and 70% of the time he doesn't look up from it and doesn't focus on what I'm saying. Evenings, same again. Bedtime, scrolling before we go to sleep.

I love him, and we have a great time together when he can be persuaded to put his bloody phone down.
I've tried to talk to him about it-he will say it's work and it's also how he relaxes. Some of that it true (the work bit) but he isn't on call 24/7. The world won't collapse if he isn't on his phone and no one will die.

It's starting to really upset me tbh. I've just given up work due to a family commitment we now have with my DSS's. There was no other way and it's not without benefit to me-anyway that's a whole other thread). I'm not unhappy with the situation but it is a huge adjustment having been a busy social work team
Manager for most of the last 20 years to go to being at home (and I've got a vey small business I've just started that I do a few hours a day). I just feel a bit-belittled maybe (?) by the constant phone use. I get that I'm probably over sensitive about this, especially at the moment when we are adjusting to the new circumstance's but how can I get him to understand that he's making me feel like shit without him
Becoming defensive?

I don't want this to become a huge thing but I also don't want to be communicator g with him via his phone for the rest of my days.

Hi @tatteddear - I feel your pain!! Previous DP would never be off his mobile to show HOW BUSY AND IMPORTANT he was at work - he seemed to think the company would collapse without him, he wouldn't stop answering even on days off when we split up I told him that was one of the reasons, he always made me feel less important than work...

Current DP is just dependent on his phone for all social/ leisure activities. Now I know we're all guilty of it to some extent, but he doesn't read a book, play with the DC, in fact do anything that he can't involve a bloody screen! We can't even get through a meal without him Googling something - drives me insane. I've told him how rude it is (both to me and anyone else we're with) but the main way it got through to him was when we were on holiday with other people and they were saying how important it was to them that they spent screen-free time with their DC (he immediately agreed, the hypocrite!) - any way someone could do the same for you?

My DC are still small so I tend to just hustle them out of the house to do an activity without him, and leave him faffing around on his phone - or pick something where he can't use it, such as a sporting activity. I really look forward to occasions where he won't be constantly on the phone - how sad that it's come to this!

Ask him how many minutes a day he is prepared not to be on his phone. See what he says.