I need help

[Ducksinarow1987]

I want to leave. This man is vile. He's trying to control me at every turn and I feel so alone. It's been months and he's done everything to avoid talking of separation. If I say I want to go to friends he says my son can't go with me. When I brought my auntie to stay and support me he bullied her until she left me here.

He earns more than me. He's had house valuations done but won't share them (I will sort my own) says he can buy me out but then changes his mind. I found a flat to rent and want to go. He says if I do, I have to pay half the mortgage which he knows I can't afford.

I'm scared I won't be able to claim benefits because we have this house as an asset but he's abusing me financially and god knows when he'll agree to sell but me out.

Please help

Guys often threaten to have your kid 50:50 or take full custody whilst also telling you to pay! You need a court order that covers things like contact and payment. If he stops seeing his son much you will be stuck paying childcare costs for the full week and child maintenance won’t cover it.

Financially you are probably going to lose out here somewhere so it probably helps if you can just accept that up front and then work to minimise the impact. What’s the equity in the house? Will it be a sun worth fighting for or do you just sign it over to him to get off the mortgage before your credit rating is impacted by bad decisions he makes for example. If he decides to only see his son on weekends (and you do NOT have to give him every weekend) and pays the minimum child maintenance he can how will you make that work? Work out how you survive the worst case scenario.

I should add that I’m not saying don’t fight or don’t leave. DO leave and DO fight for what you are entitled to for you and your son. Just be aware of how you will cope if you lose. The fight is so much easier if you can survive the defeat of it comes.

Does anyone know a number for universal credit . I e which doesn't expect me to have a prior claim?

I have not number but you’d be wise to check out the universal credit calculator- it takes two minutes and it will tell you how much you will get

On the website it asks about if you own a house though

You're allowing this man to bully you, control you and intimidate you. Don't worry about the mortgage. The lender just wants to be paid and they don't care who pays. If you don't, he will have to pay it all. It's what's called a joint and several debt. Don't bother trying to get his agreement. Just go!

Rather than universal credit give citizens advice a call, they were amazing when ne and ex were splitting and worked out everything I was eligible for and how to get it (you can also do it online). They will also email it all through to you as well so you don't forgot about any of it xx

Yes they do but they give you a reasonable amount of time to do it! Especially if the other person is living in it - you can't just sell it from under them and selling a house takes time.

You should say no to owning a house as you won’t be living there

I just called citizens advice. This amazing man is calling me back. He said I can claim. He will help me through it this afternoon. I was so relieved I cried. The way out is getting closer

I'm now at the mediator for what it will be worth. If nothing else I can get legal advice about the house I think

@Ducksinarow1987 I'm so glad they were able to help! They honestly feel like life savers when you don't have a clue where to start xx

I can claim. I'm so relieved.

I also spoke to my solicitor and she said that I should push for the mortgage holiday which I can possibly just organise myself.

Alternatively she says to tell him we will take my monthly contribution off the final sale amount but give him a time limit to buy me out / put the house up for sale. Failure to comply means I will have to force the sale. I'm just worried if I take this option he can sit in the house and my money dwindles away while he waits for me to pay loads of money to take me to court