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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not sure what to make of this

14 replies

GeekyGirl42 · 25/04/2023 21:00

Been dating someone for two and a bit months. They are lovely and they are in therapy for ongoing stuff they are working on. When I got the emergency alert come through on my phone, it didn’t come through on theirs. They were really upset and felt singled out by the government!!

I thought this was a bit odd, and I’m wondering (because this is not the only thing that’s happened recently that made me want to hold my eyebrows down so I don’t give away my surprise) whether this is the beginning of a mask slipping. I know there’s no way to know that yet but am I mean for thinking that was a little overly paranoid?

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 25/04/2023 21:05

That would be a bit of a red flag for me about wider paranoia / beliefs etc

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 25/04/2023 21:05

Lots of people didn't get the alert.
It's the "singled out" mentality that's the issue, it shouts of paranoia and/or conspiracy theory.
It's genuinely tough being with someone in that mindset.

HowRatherGolly · 25/04/2023 21:09

Dating can be so tedious don´t you think?

Having therapy is a good sign. It means they are taking accountability for their own well being, unless they were made to have it, then its a different story.
The alarm did not make it to everyone in the UK.
Having a tantrum about it is weird. No one is singled out and this test is exactly what is needed in order to improve it. But if someone is having identity complexes, and feel this is somehow a deliberate act on behalf of the government then well.. you have an issue.

If there are other things that you feel are "off" then you dont have to make a life time commitment.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 25/04/2023 21:17

It’s super tedious. It was going so well until two weeks ago. Sigh

No need I guess to make any concrete decision right now, but perhaps I’ll have a gentle chat with them and see how it goes from there

OP posts:

frozendaisy · 25/04/2023 21:17

So he has seen that it didn't work on EE networks yes?

I mean honestly I don't know where to start with this...

First of all why? What possible reason could the government single him out?
What would that achieve?
If a real alert came through would he not hear about it anyway? Someone with him, a mate texting? Or would the government send an alert saying "blah blah by the way everyone don't tell Kevin, you know Kevin in Cambridge, not that Kevin the other Kevin, make sure you get the right Kevin this is vital"

Is it just the government who wants him uninformed, or does it stretch to MofD as well?

Has he been singled out before by a large national organisation. The NHS perhaps.

Oh I would love this conversation. You can continuing asking questions until he sounds utterly deranged to himself. The only way to deal with this self important conspiracy dumb nuts.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 25/04/2023 21:20

They did accept it wasn’t personal once I showed them it didn’t work for others. But I’d rather they could have reassured themselves. And I wonder if they masked after seeing my reaction to their claim they’d been targeted.

OP posts:

catinthesunshine · 25/04/2023 21:33

That’s a very weird and paranoid response. I’d be rethinking the relationship, sorry.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 25/04/2023 21:37

B***cks…. You are all right!

Meant to be taking them away next weekend to celebrate their birthday.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 25/04/2023 21:42

Sorry OP.

That's a scary red flag.

Don't go there!

module · 25/04/2023 21:43

They, them, so clunky, so distracting.

Original poster

GeekyGirl42 · 25/04/2023 21:45

module · 25/04/2023 21:43

They, them, so clunky, so distracting.

I’m so sorry you find someone else’s pronouns so problematic 🙄

OP posts:

TuesdayMorningStillInBed · 26/04/2023 07:39

OK. I think everyone has given you clear responses and I agree with them. It's great this other person is in therapy but therapy is a process and not a quick fix so it may be some time before they are healed.It's not your job to provide them with a relationship. Nor to reassure them. As others have said, the alert was very inconsistent and unreliable. Mine came through half an hour after the rest of the group I was with. Until then, i didn't think I was going to get it. We just laughed about it.However, I'm also going to stick my head above the parapet and say this.If you are using they/them because you are trying to hide the sex of the person because of bias. Fair enough. Many people do it but it is a bit clunky.If it is because you are using their 'preferred pronouns', IME this paranoia/victim status is going to be something you end up experiencing/dealing with on a regular basis. It's up to you how much you want that to be part of your life.

SunnieShine · 26/04/2023 07:49

module · 25/04/2023 21:43

They, them, so clunky, so distracting.

I totally agree.

PaintedEgg · 26/04/2023 08:21

I'd say it is a big red flag. Paranoia is no joke, they may be able to mask / control it when they see the negative reaction, but the underlying belief that everyone is out to get them remains. The problem begins when they start to believe you're also part of it...

If they are otherwise nice, just ask them about it - they may not want to share the exact details of their issue and why they are in therapy, but the least you can do is ask :)

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