Don't know what to do

[sportscandy]

We've been married for 13 yrs, got 2dc of 3 + 9. Dh works away during the week, but often is away for 2 weeks at a time during which he does not contact us at all. He has just announced that he will not be back for 3 weeks and that he is sure that he wants us to split. He says he does'nt know who is is, and needs to have time for himself...He shows signs of depression, says the lack of contact makes it easier for him to get through the days, without thinking how it makes us feel. Anyway the thing is, I don't want to split, but don't know if I should just leave the situation for a few weeks, or talk to him in the interim..help !

How awful for you

Normally, I would say give him his space, give him the time to do some thinking, miss you and come to his senses but, if he already leaves you for weeks on end with no contact at all, I don't think 'giving him his space' is going to work in this instance.

I think I would be reminding him that unfortunately, this isn't just about him and his needs, there are two children to condsider as well as yourself. He at least owes you an explanation as to why he wants out.

Whatever you do, do not beg! Do not lay yourself at his feet. If he refuses to listen to you or talk to you then help him to pack his things!

xx

My dh is away for weeks at a time and he rings me usually once a day. Your DH sounds depressed. Has he got work worries that maybe he doesn't want to share with you? Is he worried that he may lose his job?

Yes, you both have 2 dc to think of in this situation and you dh needs to see a professional about his worries, but don't throw away everything without trying first and don't nag him, nagging doesn't help at all when you are depressed.

Good Luck and fingers crossed for you

thanks for the replies. The thing is we are now in a vicious circle of him not contacting us during the week, so me not being very receptive or understanding of his depression we we meet at weekends. He says I give him no emotional support, which I admit to but really have woken up and want this to work. I think it is too late to convince him of that though.

thanks for the replies. The thing is we are now in a vicious circle of him not contacting us during the week, so me not being very receptive or understanding of his depression we we meet at weekends. He says I give him no emotional support, which I admit to but really have woken up and want this to work. I think it is too late to convince him of that though.

It sounds like you have resented him for not making the effort to get in touch while he is away and he is resentful because he feels unsupported. Maybe his depression stems from being away from home, not spending time in a close and loving environment then, what does he come home to? More of the same, maybe?

I think a serious heart to heart is in order . You both need a reminder of why you got married in the first place. Can you arrange to go out for a nice meal, talk things over?

I don't think all is lost. I think it's the two of you who have got lost along the way. You just need to make the effort with each other and stop waiting for the other person to make the first move. Afterall, he makes no effort to contact you while he is away but, do you make the effort to contact him?

Let him know that you love him, you don't want him to leave and you are willing to do anything it takes to save your relationship.

Don't lose hope just yet

These men! Depressed, over worked, lonely, whatever.. he needs to pull his socks up and start being a responsible dad and husband.

I think us girls are way too sympathetic, its our maternal instincts kicking in. What about you, your life, how's that right now, bet you feel low and lonely.. anyone looking out for you?

Give him his space, yep, plenty of it, but don't put your life on hold whilst waiting on his big decision.

Sorry, could be wrong, but is he having an affair?

KatieJB - alleluia!!