Dc having major operation, no reply from his father?

[Princessbananahamock]

My son 9 is having a major operation in less than two weeks. My ex has been kept informed all the way about when it might happen. He hasn’t replied. He also hasn’t seen our children more than twice this year. So I have support don’t need it but it’s nice for people to offer. I’m so angry about his lack of interest. Obviously he lives a nice child free existence now just pays maintenance when he works, but that’s his son. Would I be unreasonable to just stop trying to get him involved? It probably would be easier as he is quite narcissistic and talks down to nurses etc. He can make everything about himself when something important happens and make himself a victim or so sorry for himself caring father (but he isn’t) just so he has an audience.

I wouldn't tell him anymore. If he can't be bothered to respond to such a serious thing then he doesn't deserve your communication.

You've answered your own question really. His involvement would give no support and frankly be obnoxious. Let it be now. Good luck to your son for his op.

Oh, yes, a flashback for me. My ex blagged compassionate leave when my Mum died, but was so slow in offering support that all childcare was covered by friends and my step children so he got some nice day's off on full pay.

No, you wouldn't be unreasonable, but do not be surprised if at some point he decides that you not spoon feeding him information is 'limiting contact'

That's where I am right now. Shared calendars etc. but if I don't arrange everything for him, then I'm 'limiting contact' Fucker.

It's frustrating and I'm sure it makes you furious. But please don't stop telling him what's going on. Don't hand him ammunition he might use against you.

I feel you. The effort I went into trying in lame attempt to get my DC father to be involved. DC born with a hole in the heart, and nope, no interest at all. Zero.

So yes you can rest assured you are allowed to hold fire with updating him. He knows where you are, he knows what is going on, he is aware. He CHOOSES to ignore you. He is not held at ransom so he has no excuse, but he is choosing to stay silent. That is telling. Plus, its not your job to keep him updated, he knows where to get updates and approach you if he was interested. Not your job to raise him into responsibility. Not going to happen with you doing all the work. I promise. The saying you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink it is fitting here. And best of luck and well wishes to your DS.