Hi I'm tan
I am Here just to let it out really as got no one else to talk to or let it out to...if ok going to scream at you and cry and release otherwise I am going to go crazy..please don't judge I know I have put up with alot my choice but blinded by love unfortunately..and hope of it getting better one day...I need to release
In late late 40s....after being divorced for two years ..met my bf it was love at first sight it was great, plodding along nicely. I had to sell my martial home and moved into rented house after year of being there, i moved in with him, was in that place for a year with him then decided to get 'our' place , we looked about and chose a nice place and moved into a nice council place then got engaged ., he was the tennant and I had to wait one year before I could get added as that was the council rules.. but when time came he wouldn't add me to his tenancy ..even though we choose place together . I didn't like his reasons thought give it time it change...time went on he got depression as out of work and one night trashed the house, police was called from neighbours, he got help he was put on anti depressants. Six months later he was feeling better doing okay...year passed then one day he flipped again no reason just flipped I was cooking dinner ..then he threw me out literally that night, no reasons ..he said he needed space and as its his house wanted me out , I stayed elsewhere that night then we talked next day I said for me to come back he had to go counselling which he did for few months then stopped it as felt he wasn't getting nothing from it. again I supported him..over next two years usual up and downs, work, COVID hit, he was made redundant, his mood swings came back .had good days bad days..I kept thinking it be okay... I didn't know when he woke up what mood he be in , then when he had bad days it was my fault, he slept all day, didn't want to do anything go anywhere, I ended up paying for bits or extra stuff by myself, he used my money for stuff, slagging off my family, it goes on, then suddenly one afternoon he's flipped again and thrown me out again..saying he don't want me, he fed up with me, wants me gone, so went to my sister's for night ...then next day I got messages your fault you made me mad, my house , and said I have got to say sorry then I can come back. I was like what!!
No I am not going back I am tired , physically tired , how many chances does he need..I can't do this no more....I need reliability, security, love..yes he may love me, but I can't live in fear anymore of being thrown out and he won't still put me on tenancy... Oh god I can't do this anymore..I am Lonely, have nothing... Hope this makes sense not sure if it does as crying...just had to say it all allowed
I am tired ....really tired 😩😩😩
Thank you for listening