Hi everyone.
myself & my DD father have been together years. Our DD is 5. We moved in together last year & I am just feeling defeated ever since.
my partner works 45 hours a week on top of an hours commute (1 hour to and 1 hour home from work) every day. He is exhausted I totally understand. He is a manager in a retail shop.
I am a social worker but I only work part time (2 long shifts a week, 12 hrs long). This is our arrangement so as I can take care of our DD. I can only work the days my partner is off due to my long shifts and our DD needing to be collected from Afterschool. If he has a day off I often take on an extra shift to help out at work they are very good to me to allow me to pick & choose hours it is basically unheard of in my line of work: if I do this, my partner flips out because he thinks he should be able to have some rest on his day off & I shouldn’t be taking on extra shifts. I love my career and want to go further in it eventually so I’m trying to make a good impression. One time, he flipped out so much infront of my daughter he said “Mammy doesn’t want to stay home with you” while she clung to my leg crying. Now, he isn’t always like this sometimes he’s fine about me taking on extra work.
he also gets every lie in - he’s off 2 days a week and he always rests on them not getting up until at least 12 pm. I’m up every morning at 6 am with out DD but he says I only work 2 days a week and apparently “sit around” the rest of the time so why shouldn’t I be up? I have to BEG to get a lie in ever!!!!
he doesn’t really help out with housework. If I ask he will but he would never spontaneously cook dinner, or put in a wash, or sweep a floor. Again, that’s my job because I only work 2 days so I have all the rest of the week to stay on top of things in his mind.
he rarely does things like take our DD off to give me a break , he once refused to bring her to the shop because he said “why do you can sit here and have a rest?” Now again, he’s not like this all the time, I am picking out the bad times and highlighting them, there are good times as well.
if I cry from being upset - for example he demanded I show him how much is in my bank because he pays all the bills & he is convinced I have savings that i won’t share to help with bills, I cried from frustration & he tells me “ur voice is so annoying” or constantly tells me to shut the F up. He calls me. Fing dope or Fing whatever in front of our DD.
i just feel defeated. As I said 90% of the time we are so happy, he is good
to us he pays all the bills for the house, he loves his DD so much and is always there for her, we do have great fun together most of the time but I just hate these horrible moments. I feel like I’m letting my DD down but I don’t know where to go or what to do if I was to leave.
I guess I just want to know, is this normal enough for a young couple living with a young child constantly tired. Am I over reacting ??