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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partners work is taking over his life!!!

3 replies

Mummyrere · 25/04/2023 09:06

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years and have a 17 month old little boy! My partner works in a stressful, high powered job. He’s always done this line of work from when he left school. The issue I have is my partner is OBSESSED with his work. He can’t switch off, it’s all he talks about. He goes on and on to anyone that will listen and I can see people aren’t interested because he tells stories in detail about contracts, law etc that you wouldn’t understand unless you was in that role. On the weekend he’s completely shattered and stressed from work and just lays around or is like a zombie, carries his work phone around and talks about work. Our son has no connection with him because I think he can pick up the stress. Another big part is we don’t have sex - which is down to my partner because he says he’s too tired/stressed/anxious/full up/feels sick (always an excuse) we had an argument about it and he’s come back saying he’s suppressed and that I don’t listen to him enough about work!!! I’ve been actively trying to listen to see if it will help and be more lenient with him doing nothing on the weekend but not enough apparently! He says I don’t actively care about his job and my response is - I can’t care because it’s something that’s no interest in me and I don’t understand it (unless I did a uni degree) so there’s only so much advice and interest I can give?! Me caring about his job is by looking after our child, making sure he always has dinner, clean clothes and doesn’t need to do anything at home and always telling him how proud I am of him and how much I appreciate him but it’s just not enough. It’s driving me mad and I feel like we’re near the end!!!

OP posts:
Pr1mr0se · 25/04/2023 09:16

Oh dear. You both needs some relaxation time together as a couple for this to work. Do you have any family who could look after your little boy for a few hours at the weekend (when your partner is presumably not working) so you can do something as a couple together?

I think you need to be much clearer with your partner about what you need.

Failing that can you give yourself a break and tell him you're going to the spa, park, the pub with a girlfriend this evening so he has to look after his son? Make it a regular thing so he knows he needs to be home in time. You need relaxation time away from your work as a parent too. Sounds like he gets that all the time so make him pull his weight.

Don't do everything for him. He's not your second child!

PS. I know all of this will be hard.

AluckyEllie · 25/04/2023 09:24

It sounds like he’s got swept up in the whole live for your job/career phase. I mean that’s fine when you are single in your early 20’s but he has a baby. It’s really hard but you need to try again to get through to him, to explain that baby will be young for such a short period and he doesn’t want to miss it.

Kisskiss · 29/04/2023 09:31

Oh god, no advice but some empathy as my dh is similar ..
how do you feel about it, is the biggest problem for you that he has no connection with your child? It doesn’t sound like he contributes much to any of your shared life !

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