Clothes left at Exes house

[Carter12]

Some clothes were left at my ex girlfriends house when we split up - out of nowhere she said she needed space and didn't want the relationship anymore.

I did chase up the clothes a bit too much in the first few weeks - not ideal when she wanted space - but i left it for over a month before contacting her again. I sent a couple of messages which were replied to and have left it another while before now asking to meet up for the clothes as I am going on holiday.

So far I have had no reply

A couple of questions

1. Should I just cut my losses - about £200 worth of clothes
2. What reasons would you not give an ex back their clothes when it ended on amicable terms - although perhaps so thinks I want her back which is why she doesn't want to meet up. Do I need to make that clear if I chase the clothes again?

Any advice appreciated

Message politely asking if you or a friend/ relative could collect?
Ask if she’ll bag them up and leave outside at an agreed time for you or friend/relative to collect?
If she ignores those then I think you’ll have to give up on them.

I'm trying to frame this in reverse. If your ex gf had left £200 of clothes at yours and you were being evasive and refusing to respond, I think the advice would be very different. This is not ok. Her ending the relationship doesn't mean she gets to keep hundreds of pounds of your clothes. Leave her a note asking her to put them outside on a certain date. If she doesn't, report it as theft.

That’s terrible advice - don’t report it as theft. You’ll gain yourself a reputation as completely petty and melodramatic.

Yes, she’s being shitty by not giving you back your stuff, which makes her look bad. But if you keep on at her she gains the upper hand. She gets to say ‘look how ridiculous Carter is over a few jumpers’.
If you report it to the police both them and her friends will find it hilarious.

it’s a lot of money, so you are within your rights to ask for it back. Agree with PP that you ask her to bag it up and leave it on her doorstep. A no-contact return is fine.

Dignity should be your main aim here.

Left a message asking for them to be bagged up and no reply - wont go to the police so looks like I will have to give up on them

thanks for the advice

Why can't you just go around and collect your belongings?

Knock on the door and explain you want your clothes. Then get them.

I suspect she thinks you only want the clothes as an excuse to contact / see her. I'm not blaming you by the way, I have done the same after a break up.

Could you text and say "mom will be round at 6:30 on xday to collect my clothes. Please have them bagged up and ready. Thanks" And send your mom / mate / sister round?

This is a good idea

Yeah I might try that - although it does look like she isn't even reading the messages!!!. Dont want someone going around to pick them up and no one in at that time.

Few weeks before I am going on holiday so might get lucky

Could she have blocked you and so isn't even seeing the messages? Is there a mutual friend or someone who could contact her and pick them up?

Maybe she blocked you.

I'd send a relative round to collect them. Tell them to leave a note if she doesn't answer. 'Hey I'm Sarah I'm Johns sister, I came round to collect his things but you were not in. Thus us my number, please let me know when you are available for me to collect them. Thanks'.

Not blocked yet - it is Whatsapp and I can see they have been delivered just not read. You would think if I wasn't getting my clothes then a block would be the best option and would be easier to take!!

It's possible she's put your chat on mute and archived it. Have you tried actually calling her?

Otherwise I think asking a female friend or relative to go around there and ask is probably your final option before writing it off as a loss.

Very possible I am on mute. Not tried calling her but I suspect she wouldn't answer. Will give it a week and then maybe give one last call for communication - feel like I am 17 again so also temped just to write them off.

Shame as completely against character when we were going out

I don’t know you or her but feel strangely angry about her not giving you back your clothes! I think getting a mutual friend to retrieve them sounds like a good idea. Or perhaps she’s got rid of them and doesn’t want to have to tell you that?

Why don't you write a note?

Little update - wont be getting the clothes.

She did finally reply to my message to say she would bag them up and let me know when to come around. Sent a friendly reminder five days later and she said she would get back to me.

Chasing up like a 16 year old so sent another message on the Sunday to say I was going on holiday on Tuesday so needed them by then - no reply and didn't read that message.

Put a note through her door as one last attempt to say leave them in the garden tonight - got a message to say she was too busy and she wouldn't be able to and can't believe I am that desperate for them back and would appreciate if I didn't turn up to her house.

Must admit I do think I have took it too far and am kicking myself but I was that stunned that a two minute job wasn't forthcoming.

If she had said in an earlier message she just wont be able to give me them then I would have accepted that.

Have bought a new pair - thanks for all the advice!!

I'd be fuming tbh because I love my clothes.

Put a note through her door as one last attempt to say leave them in the garden tonight - got a message to say she was too busy and she wouldn't be able to and can't believe I am that desperate for them back and would appreciate if I didn't turn up to her house.

Must admit I do think I have took it too far and am kicking myself but I was that stunned that a two minute job wasn't forthcoming.

Nah your ex is just being a shit for no good reason. She's trying to make out that you're being stalkerish when she could have solved the whole issue by giving you back the clothes.
She's definitely the one who is out of order, she's holding onto your stuff when she has no good reason to.

Why didn't you just go around a pick your belongings up?
I'd have just walked in.

This

She or he is so out of order basically stealing your clothes.
I'd definitely not let this go....but that's just me.!

Cut your losses, they are only clothes after all, then you can forget about her and move on. Guarantee after you stop contacting her, she will contact you about it, when she does tell her to bin them.

Yeah defo cutting my losses. Just feel by chasing so much I have giving her the upper hand.

A good learning experience if nothing else.