In the past 6 days, I've had one 10 minute conversation with another adult ...

[itssoquiet]

and that's it. This was at the bus stop with another parent on the way back from the school run.

Dh is currently giving me the silent treatment but he's sly about it. If I'm talking to one of the children, he'll join in like normal but otherwise he is completely ignoring me.

I am an expat, currently not working but looking at options. It's incredibly hard when most of the time, I don't want to be here. He emotionally and financially blackmails me to keep me here.

There is obviously a huge backstory here and I don't mean to drip feed but I'm so emotionally drained from this life, I don't know what to do.

I have a vague plan but I know he'll sabotage it like he did the last time I tried to move back to the UK. We're now £50,000 in debt because of him and I had no choice but to move here.

I actually don't know what I want from starting this thread. Maybe just to talk to someone. I don't know. What a mess!

1. Which country are you in now?

2. How old are you both and your children?

3. How did your husband get into £50 000 debt?

4. What job and education did you have before you got married and had children?

I have trained my husband ALWAYS to communicate and resolve everything if not on the same day, then the day if it's too late today and it's bedtime.

So we never have time when we are not talking to each other. We've been married for 17 years, 18 in July. Our son is 16.

You can pm me if you would like and I'll share what helps me to have a happy marriage and good healthy relations.

*if not today, then the next day

@Sunnygirl07 that bit about training. Your husband really isn't useful.

@Sunnygirl07, a man doesn't become abusive because you failed to "train" him properly. And adults don't "train" other adults they're in in equal grown up relationships with.

OP, you're clearly in a really tough situation. Where are you exactly? That makes a big difference. If you can tell us where you are we can start helping you figure out how to access resources to help you with being in an abusive situation and how to get yourself home, ideally.

Thanks for your reply @Sunnygirl07 .

I can't answer all of those questions in great depth because I'm worried about being outed and I know a lot of people who use mumsnet.

I am currently living in a non english speaking country and without knowing the local language fluently (which I don't), I can't work here in previous career.

I guess I am just biding my time until this debt is paid off, something which I could never do on my own.

Are we talking Europe, @itssoquiet ? Asia?

Have you thought about taking the kids and going home "for a visit"? (I'm assuming you're a UK citizen.)

@TheNachtzehrer thank you for your messages.

We do regularly go home. We have a house back in the UK thank goodness. DH desperately tries to cover his controlling behaviour. He never wanted to buy the house but explaining to everyone why he didn't would show his true colours so he relented.

Do you recognise that you are in a domestic abuse situation? You are being abused emotionally and financially. Have you looked into domestic abuse resources and helplines where you are?

I think your best shot is likely to be going back to the UK with the kids and staying. File for divorce there, get back into work.

thanks for your marriage advice. Luckily for you you husband doesn't sound abusive.

Yes, I do. He wouldn't stop me from moving back but he uses the children's education to emotionally blackmail me. This is where the debt has come from and it would've continued to grow had we have stayed in the UK.

I have to plan it now for a clean break where I am not financially dependant on him in anyway, shape or form.

It's just going to take time and I am so low, my motivation is non-existent.

That's understandable @itssoquiet . What would help you take the first step? MN can definitely be a place to listen in the meantime.

That's a great question @TheNachtzehrer and I think just starting this thread was a good start for me, knowing I'm not imagining this and this isn't normal.