Terrible characters - please help!

[FeelingSad99]

I seem to be a really bad judge of character in relationships and I’m desperate to change this. The image I have of the man I’m dating or am interested in, doesn’t match up with the reality of the guy until the scales fall from my eyes.

Here are three examples from the last 5 years of the three men I fancied.

1. Let’s call him C. I thought he was warm, gregarious, funny. We had a lot in common. He was the first man who really listened to me when I spoke and didn’t talk at me or look at me with eyes glazed, awaiting his turn. There were some red flags. He used to get angry at work and throw landlines across the room. He used to say outrageous things about women and their clothing. The reality was he love bombed me and was a complete narcissist. He’s also a misogynist. No new information came to light, I just saw the truth when the lust and hormones wore off.
2. Let’s call him M. He was funny, charming, engaging. But also sweet and shy. He had a child like innocence about him. He appeared to be in touch with his feminine side and I thought he was a feminist. Red flags: he blew hot and cold. I kept asking him to leave me alone if he wasn’t interested but he kept coming back. Reality: he was incredibly selfish, had no interest in me whatsoever and just used me for sexting. He later came out as gay.
3. Let’s call him T. Also funny, charismatic, quirky, adorable, masses in common, sensual, very intelligent. Red flags: blew hot and cold, kept pulling me back in. Reality: he had a secret girlfriend the whole time, is incredibly selfish and only cared about his own needs.

All three of them showed me who they were during the relationship but I only saw their personalities clearly when I stopped fancying them.

I have had therapy. I know my flaws. I know that I need to expect higher standards from men. But how can I stop the giddy cloud that surrounds my head. My friends all see that these guys are bad news. Does anyone have any practical tips so that next time I don’t waste 2 years, 18 months and 14 months respectively on shitty men?

Well how about realising you are a whole person just as you are, and you ve plenty to offer the world, and enjoy your life..just as you are.. and have a few dates.. and try and you are not responsible for their lack of decency… and just don’t rush to sleep with em or anything.. they can wait.. so you get to see if they’re worth investing time in.. and most importantly man or no man, carry on with your career and interests..

Thank you. It’s only recently that I’ve realised that I’m enough as I am. That I’m still loveable even though I’m not normal BMI.