Getting back the spark

[Marshmallow545]

Looking for advice as the spark is going or has gone for me and DH. Both early to mid 30s with 9 and 5 kids. We haven’t done “it” in over a year and it’s taking its toll. He’s a great husband and is completely loyal, great dad and does more than his share around the house. I just don’t want sex with him anymore and it’s bringing him and the relationship down. He sometimes gets sad and withdrawn and after some prompting he said it’s the lack of physical touch and affection from me that he misses. He has never pressured me or resented me for not doing “it” but he wants and probably deserves more. I don’t think he would stray and is even a bit unsure of taking things into his own hands, pun intended. Basically he deserves more and I’m not sure how I can give it to him. Kids and life get in the way and I’m just not the girl I once was.

Firstly, be kind to yourself. Life can be so hard and hectic with work and kids! Do you make time for yourselves once the kids are in bed? Cuddle up and watch a film, have a nice meal together etc.
I took 2 days off work and completely blitzed the house. I got rid of so much stuff and fully organised the rest. It has made life so much easier, I can keep on top of things now and not have to stay up late getting things done, which in turn gives me more energy and time the next day. This means I can sit with DH once the kids are in bed and not be thinking about school uniforms or packed lunches, etc.
If you can, both book the same day off and do a spa day, a walk together, whatever you fancy whilst you've not got the kids and be you and him, not just mum and dad, colleague etc.
My sex drive depleted once I hit my 30's. I think hormones played a big part, and I started peri menopause at around 36 or 37. Taking vitamins and minerals helped, and I'm now on hrt.